Products Instructions Comic Strips - Page 6
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Share May 13, 2012's comic on:
Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.
Share June 19, 1989's comic on:
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the paper. Dogbert enters wearing a chef's hat and holding a spatula. Dogbert says, "We're out of flour." Dilbert replies, "I know." Dogbert asks, "And did you know that the bag of white powder in your lab looks just like flour?" Dilbert says, "Uh . . ." Dogbert continues, "And you know how huge, mutated cupcakes will occasionally eat the neighbor's Chevy?" Dilbert says, "This better be a bad analogy."
Share June 20, 1989's comic on:
Dogbert is wearing a chef's hat and holding a spatula. Dilbert says, ". . . So, the cupcakes you baked mutated into a hideous monster and ate the neighbor's Chevy . . . Great." Dogbert says, "Oh, like YOU'VE never had problems with a recipe." Dilbert says, "What happens if my neighbor sues?!" Dogbert asks, "Did I mention that he was in the Chevy?"
Share December 15, 1992's comic on:
A woman approaches Dilbert and says, "So . . . Dilbert, welcome to the sales department. I'm Tina, your new boss." Dilbert holds out his hand and says, "Hi." Tina says, "As the new guy, you get the customers who despise our products and want to hurt us personally." A man climbs onto Dilbert's back and beats him on the head while yelling, "I hate you! I hate you!" Tina says, "You'll be selling to the small business market. He's your best account."
Share December 20, 1993's comic on:
Dilbert sits on the couch and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert hands Dilbert a list and says, "Here's a list of my Christmas demands." Dogbert says, "Follow the instructions and nobody gets hurt." Dilbert says, "You're bluffing. You wouldn't hurt my plastic window Santa." Dogbert holds the electric cord to the decoration and says, "One yank and he's off life support!"
Share March 28, 1994's comic on:
Wally: Zimbu the monkey designed three commercial products this week! we'd better find out his secret. wally: He's using his tail! He has a natural advantage! Wally: I feel the jaws of evolution on my throat. Dilbert: good gravy! Did you see him cut and paste?
Share June 29, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert tells the Boss, "One way to look at your problem is that nobody likes your products." Dogbert continues, "But I don't know how to fix that. So I recommend forming internal business units to bicker with each other." The Boss asks, "Why would you recommend that?" Dogbert responds, "Well, I'd be lying if I said I liked you."
Share August 28, 1995's comic on:
The Boss says to Tina who is seated at her computer, "Tina, you'll have to have all the documentation written by next week so we can ship it when the software is done." Tina says angrily, "How can I write instructions for something that doesn't exist yet?" The Boss answers, "You'll have to make logical guesses." Tina types on her computer, "If you press any key your computer will lock up. If you call our tech support we'll blame 'Microsoft.'"
Share December 04, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with a sales rep. As they look through some folders, the woman says, "On one hand, my company does use inferior technology in our products . . ." The salesperson continues, "But on the other hand, I'm the most attractive female who has paid attention to you this year." Dilbert responds angrily, "What kind of engineers do you think we are??!" Wally asks, "Do you have pictures of your field support people?"
Share September 16, 1990's comic on:
Dilbert stands in the express line at the supermarket. The cashier says to the old woman in front of Dilbert, "This looks like a lot more than ten items, ma'am." The woman replies, "It doesn't matter. I'm old and you must do as I say." The woman continues, "I have some coupons for totally unrelated products and a fourth-party personal check from North Yemen." The woman reaches into her purse and says, "They're hopelessly lost in my bag. I'll rummage while you all wait." As she rummages, her head disappears into the bag. She says, "What the . . ." The store clerk watches as the woman screams and falls into the pocketbook. The clerk tells Dilbert, "Wild coyotes in the handbag . . . I've seen this before." A dog barks and burps inside the bag.