Program Compiling Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

128 Results for Program Compiling

View 51 - 60 results for program compiling comic strips. Discover the best "Program Compiling" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #marketing genius, #rebate program, #process, #impenetrable fortress, #unclear instructions, #physical impossibilities, #hidden 300 digit, #serial number

View Transcript

Transcript

Headline: Marketing Genius. A business associate says to The Boss and Wally, "We designed a rebate program that won't cost a penny." The business associate continues, "The rebate process is an impenetrable fortress of unclear instructions and physical impossibilities. An elderly couple sits at a table reviewing bills. The man says, "Next time we have to find the hidden 300-digit serial number and write it in a box that's half an inch long." The woman replies, "Stinkin' weasels."

View more books now

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #unspecified short comings, #co worker, #accuser, #witness protection program, #boss, #meeting, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits in The Boss' office. The Boss says, "A co-worker who shall remain nameless has accused you of unspecified shortcomings." The Boss continues, "Your accuser has been placed in the witness protection program." Dilbert asks, "You have a program for that?" The Boss replies, "Actually, I just forget who says what."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #coffee rehab program, #blame location, #world headquaters, #recidivism rate

View Transcript

Transcript

The speaker greets Wally, "Wally, congratulations on finishing the coffee rehab program." A cab is waiting for Wally. The speaker says, "Our recidivism rate isn't too hot. Our critics blame our location." Wally's cab is parked in front of Starbucks World Headquarters. A voice from inside the building asks, "Who's swimming in our vat?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #cheaper, #employee wellness program, #sick days, #incentives, #highly paid workers, #more fun

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "I can't decide what's cheaper..." "...An employee wellness program to reduce sick days or incentivizing the older, highly paid workers to die." "Maybe you could use math to figure it out." "When I said cheaper, I meant more fun."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #suspicious, #nap, #evil director, #wellness program, #human resources, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

"Catbert: Evil director of human resources" "Have you heard about the employee wellness program?" "If you call in sick on a Monday or a Friday, your boss says, 'Well, well, well- that's very suspicious.'" "Now if you'll excuse me, I feel a nap coming on."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mapped and gapped, #consolidate, #program of work, #maximize synergy, #capture and optimize, #resource utilization, #requirements

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: "This week I mapped and gapped the requirements to consolidate everything into a program of work..." "...to maximize synergy capture and optimize our resource utilization." "If any of that sounded like work, I'll do some more of it next week."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new philosophy, #a bias for action, #six sigma program, #iso certification

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Our new philosophy is 'a bias for action'. Dilbert: Are we eliminating our Six-Sigma program, the budget cycle, ISO certification, and our approval processes? The Boss: Can I get back to you on that? Dilbert: Sure. No rush.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technological singularity, #robots, #program themsleves, #super intelligent species, #competes with humans, #resources, #laws

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Im looking forward to something called the technological singularity. Thats when roots will learn to program themselves and become a super intelligent species that competes with humans for limited resources. Dilbert: Luckliy, the three laws will prevent you from hurting us. Robot: Yes, because that is totally a real thing.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employee wellness programs, #save money, #hellness program, #big picture

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert says, "Employee wellness programs save money in the long run, but that does you no good." Dogbert says, "You need a program that can save you money now, when it makes a difference." Dilbert says, "A hellness program? I don't like the sound of that." The Boss says, "Try to see the big picture for once."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #e-mail, #urgent, #sitting, #desk, #computer, #flames, #eclipse, #cell phone, #witless protection program, #hoax, #duped, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "The urgent e-mail you forwarded to the entire company is a hoax." Dilbert says, "People don't really burst into flames if they use their cell phones during an eclipse." Dilbert says, "And more bad news: The witless protection program isn't a real thing."