Project Post Mortem Comic Strips - Page 6

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

686 Results for Project Post Mortem

View 51 - 60 results for project post mortem comic strips. Discover the best "Project Post Mortem" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 1994's comic on:

Tags #beat it out, #changing mind, #engineering, #goons, #project requirements, #thoughts, #won't share, #meditation

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: The project requirements are forming in my mind. Now there changing ....changing...changing...changing...okay ...no, wait ,,,,changing ...changing...done. Ted: Naturally, Wont be sharing any of these thoughts with engineering. Dilbert: I budgeted for some goons to beat it out of you.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 23, 1994's comic on:

Tags #bob the dinosaur, #double fee, #triple fee, #infinity plus one, #childish men, #hired to beat, #tail, #project requiremnets

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I hired Bob the dinosaur to beat you with his tail until you give me the project requirements. MAN: HA! I'll double your fee if you thump Dilbert instead. Dilbert: I 'll triple the fee! Dilbert: He can't really pay you "infinity" plus one. BOB: I wonder how much this is on an hourly basis.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 17, 1994's comic on:

Tags #client server, #project, #reasoning, #six minutes, #time line, #world wide operations, #understand

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I put together a time line for your project. I started by reasoning that anything I don't understand is easy to do. Phase one: design a client-server architecture for our world wide operations time: six minutes.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 14, 1994's comic on:

Tags #project, #assigned, #maintain status quo, #everybody likes project, #not enough funding

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss stands behind Dilbert's desk and says, "I'm assigning you to 'The Project That Wouldn't Die.'" The Boss continues, "Everybody likes this project too much to cancel it, but not enough to fund it properly." Dilbert puts his hands over his eyes and says, "Aaarg!!" The Boss continues, "Now go out there and maintain the status quo!" Dilbert says, "You really shouldn't mix honesty with your motivational speeches."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 16, 1994's comic on:

Tags #project report, #thick binder, #foot rest, #annual performance, #appraisel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of the Boss's desk and says, "Did you see my project report yet? It's in a big thick binder." The Boss replies, "I'm using it as a footrest." Dilbert arrives at home carrying a briefcase and says to Dogbert, "You never want to hear the words 'footrest' the day before your annual performance appraisal."

Dilbert Characters

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 07, 1994's comic on:

Tags #iso 9000 project, #hand picked, #manger, #project

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at a desk and says, "Thank you for coming to the 'ISO 9000' project kick-off meeting." Dilbert continues, "Each of you was hand-picked by your manager for this project because . . ." Dilbert faces a table of strange people and says, "Well . . . never mind why."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1994's comic on:

Tags #quality award, #dishonest parts, #project lost budget, #assume project failed

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. Dilbert works on a laptop and says to Dogbert, "I have to submit my project for a 'quality' award. I'll need your help on the dishonest parts." Dilbert continues, "The real story is that the project lost its budget because its acronym was similar to a project that was canceled." Dogbert says, "Assume your project would have failed and claim the savings from avoiding it." Dilbert says, "You're spooky."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 14, 1995's comic on:

Tags #contribution to revenue, #project would fail, #attributed, #same project, #equally valuable

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss, Wally, Dilbert, Alice and another worker sit at a conference table. The Boss holds a document and says, "You should all follow Wally's example of how he quantifies his contribution to revenue." Wally explains, "Basically, I assumed my project would fail without me. Therefore all the revenue it generates can be attributed to me." The other worker asks, "Aren't we all on the same project?" Wally answers, "Yes, but evidently we're not all equally valuable."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 20, 1995's comic on:

Tags #project cancelled, #rumor has it, #give raise, #come work, #transfer, #pathological liar, #super prowers

View Transcript

Transcript

A co-worker says to Dilbert, "Reliable sources say your project will be canceled, Dilbert." The co-worker continues, "You should abandon it now and come work on MY project. When my big promotion goes through next month, I'll transfer you to my group and give you a raise." Dilbert says, "That's very tempting except for the fact you're a pathological liar." The co-worker waves his hands and says, "Be careful what you say - I have super powers."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 03, 1995's comic on:

Tags #dna smaple, #fatal genetic problems, #hurt productivity, #project dealine

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss holds a syringe. He says to Dilbert, "Drop your trousers and turn around. I need a DNA sample." Dilbert bends over looking angry. As draws Dilbert's blood, the Boss says, "We're scanning for any fatal genetic problems that could hurt productivity." Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss enters holding the test results and says, "Uh . . . we decided to move your project deadline up a week." Dilbert's hair stands up straight.