Prove A Negative Comic Strips - Page 6

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82 Results for Prove A Negative

View 51 - 60 results for prove a negative comic strips. Discover the best "Prove A Negative" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales training, #sell to customer, #dare to be great, #prove worthiness, #beg

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Headline: Sales Training. The speaker says, "Never sell to your customer. Make your customer sell to you." The speaker continues, "Our products are only for those who dare to be great! Make the customer explain why he is worthy." Dilbert is meeting with a customer. Dilbert says, "You heard me, Goober. Now beg for our product."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product is defective, #expect delivery, #quality s primary goal, #opposite of philosophy, #rich philosophers, #swiss bank

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Dilbert tells the Boss while handing him some documents: "My tests prove our product is defective." While the Boss is examining the documents, Dilbert says: "Customers expect delivery tomorrow." Handing the documents back to Dilbert, the Boss says: "Our corporate philosophy is 'Quality is our primary goal.'" Dilbert asks: "So... you want me to delay shipment until we fix the problems?" The Boss answers: "No." The Boss says: "I want you to ship now so we can book the revenue." Dilbert exclaims: "GAAA! That's the opposite of our corporate philosophy!!!" The Boss replies: "Now you know why there aren't any rich philosophers." Reclining on the couch at home with Dogbert, Dogbert tells Dilbert: "There used to be one, but he believed I was a Swiss bank."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #client, #to dumb, #embezzle, #dogbert the lawyer, #calling jury dumb

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Dilbert says to a jury, "I will prove that my client is too dumb to embezzle." Dogbert continues, "Or, failing in that, I'll prove that you're too dumb to know he did it." The judge starts, "Mister Dogbert..." Dogbert interrupts, "Don't get me started about you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #extreme programming., #code writing, #team, #tw programmers, #one computer, #productive arrangement, #whistle both nostrils, #saved on harmonicas, #business

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Extreme Programming. Wally and Dilbert are sitting at one computer. The Boss approaches and says, "The two of you will be a code-writing team." The Boss continues, "Studies prove that two programmers on one computer is the most productive arrangement." Dilbert types with a furrowed brow. Wally says, "Sometimes I can whistle through both nostrils. I've saved a fortune in harmonicas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil hr dircetor, #layoffs, #improve moral, #making tough deciosn, #feel more optimistic, #your fired

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Headline: Catbert: Evil H.R. Director. Catbert is sitting behind his desk, an employee is standing before him. Catbert says, "I'm reminding everyone that layoffs can improve morale." Catbert continues, "Layoffs prove that management is capable of making tough decisions to turn things around!" The employee responds, "You're right! I do feel more optimistic now!" Catbert adds, "Secondly, you're fired."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #tainted research, #skinny people, #bright light, #association of donught makers, #wheel chair, #man in bandages

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"I'm starting a company that specializes in doing tainted research." "The Association of Doughnut Makers asked me to prove that skinny people can't go to heaven." "Did you see a bright light before the doctors revived you?" "No, why?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #information promised, #ignored request, #squadron, #military squirrels, #plausible lie, #giant military squirrels, #secret lair

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Wally and Dilbert are walking down the hall. Dilbert says, "There's Ted. He never sent me the information he promised." Wally and Dilbert stop when they come up to Ted. Dilbert asks, "Why have you ignored my request, Ted?" Ted says, "I was killed by a squadron of giant military squirrels." Wally tells Dilbert, that "He doesn't respect you enough to tell a plausible lie." Dilbert screams, "I demand a PLAUSIBLE lie!" Ted responds, "Okay, maybe I WASN'T killed by giant military squirrels." Ted continues, "But I WAS imprisoned in their secret lair at the center of the earth." Wally and Dilbert are walking away. Wally: "You can't prove that one either way." Dilbert: "He did say it was a "secret" lair."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #attorney, #contact, #cubicle opened, #dividing up workspace, #eyebrows, #my client, #prove, #naked, #got him for everything, #legal

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"A cubicle vacancy opened up, so I'll be moving out of here." "My attorney will contac you about dividing up our workspace property." "Next, can you proves that you have both eyebrows before you met my client?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #art, #artist, #modern art, #expression, #obtuse, #con, #scheme, #money, #fake

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My idea is to drape a huge tarp over the hideous sculpture in the courtyard. "My message will be that art is as much about the negative space as the positive." "Plus it's not really art unless someone is winning."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Don't worry, Alice. Stinky Pete is here to work closely with you on that technical problem." "I like to begin by releasing all of my negative energy." BRRAAAP! "AAEEII!!"