Rat Can't Conceive Comic Strips - Page 6
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170 Results for Rat Can't Conceive
View 51 - 60 results for rat can't conceive comic strips. Discover the best "Rat Can't Conceive" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday July 20,
2002
Tags #accountants are weasels, #defective, #dilmom, #make money, #sell t shirts, #selling defects, #wesel soup
Transcript
Dilbert says to his mom, "Our accountants are weasels. They let us go bankrupt so they could sell T-shirts that say, 'I'm with bankrupt.'" Dilbert's mom responds, "Didn't your company make all of its money selling products you know were defective?" Dilbert replies, "Just stir your cauldron, mom." Dilbert's mom says, "Ironically we're having weasel soup."
Tuesday October 08,
2002
Tags #ratbert, #rat hole, #share money, #stop digging, #smell feet
Transcript
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Ratbert, I need you to dig a huge rat hole, so companies can throw money in it." Ratbert dances and says, "Yes!!!" Dogbert says, "I might share some of the money with you." Ratbert says, "You had me at 'hole.'" Ratbert and Dogbert are outside. Ratbert is digging a huge hole and says, "When should I stop digging?" Dogbert replies, "When you smell feet."
Wednesday October 09,
2002
Tags #rat hole, #business plan, #pay huge investment fees, #money losing, #take your money, #push in hole
Transcript
Dogbert is sitting outside behind a desk labeled, "Rat Hole." A businessman approaches holding a bag of money and asks, "May I throw money down the rat hole?" Dogbert replies, "Show me your business plan." Dogbert flips through the business plan and says, "You plan to pay huge investment banking fees to buy a low-margin, money-losing business..." Dogbert says, "For an extra fee, I'll push you in the hold and take your money." The businessman replies, "Oooh, sounds good."
Thursday October 10,
2002
Tags #25 million dolalrs, #rat hole, #ride into space, #russian rocket, #poor, #rocket
Transcript
A man carrying a bag of money approaches the "Rat Hole." He says to Dogbert, "I can't decide if I should throw 25 million dollars down a rat hole or..." The man continues, "... Buy a ride into space on a Russian rocket ship." The man is throwing his money into the hole. Dogbert asks, "What about the poor?" The man replies, "Do they have a rocket?"
Wednesday December 11,
2002
Tags #boost revenues, #offshore, #subsidary, #lie to media, #criminal activity, #gag a rat, #corruption
Transcript
Dilbert, Ratbert, and Bob the Dinosaur are meeting. Dogbert says, "We'll artificially boost revenues by selling to our own offshore subsidiary." Dogbert continues, "Then we'll book our expenses to capital, lie to the media about our prospects, bribe an industry analyst, and cash out!" Ratbert grabs his own throat and gags, "Aak, Aak, Aak." Dogbert says, "I know I'm doing something right when my business practices gag a rat."
Saturday February 22,
2003
Tags #i.t function, #outsource, #save money, #corporations, #full time employees, #reaplce, #panic, #warning sound
Transcript
The Boss points to a slide and says, "We'll save money by outsourcing our I.T. function." The Boss continues, "Then we'll save more money by replacing our outsourcing with full-time employees!" Wally responds, "When it's time for us to panic, will there be a warning sound, or was that it?"
Saturday July 10,
2004
Tags #evil director, #himan resources, #good bye party, #making t shirts, #last of cake
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: We're planning a goodbye party for downsizes. Im making T-shirts so its easy to tell who the special guest are. Dilbert: I got the last of the cake. Im special.
Tuesday January 11,
2005
Tags #stock - picking software, #more feauture, #make hair grow, #bald guys, #test on rat, #butticks
Transcript
Dogbert: My stock-picking software needs more features. "I think I'll add a module that claims to make hair grow on bald guys. I'll first test it on a rat." Ratbert: "I feel a new one on my buttocks!" Dogbert: "That's all the proof I need."
Saturday January 22,
2005
Tags #art bar, #dreadful, #rat checked, #bar nuts, #midnight
Transcript
Dogbert's Art Bar "That painting is dreadful. It looks as if a rat created it." "Lucky guess. I'll ask you again at midnight." Later that night "Ah wan ahix of ose an shum bar nuts!!!"
Wednesday March 09,
2005
Tags #rat problem, #reporting, #rat bait, #unwashed, #job satisfaction, #calling names, #being mean
Transcript
Carol: We're having a problem with the rats in the office. " You might want to upgrade your level of hygiene from "rat bait" to "unwashed."" "I think I just felt my first tingle of job satisfaction."