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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2013's comic on:


Tags #deception, #managers & supervisors, #company policy, #rate staff, #no upper body strength, #real reason, #business

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Boss: Company policy says I have to rate one-third of my staff as "Does not meet expectations." I chose the two of you because you have no upper body strength. This way it's safer if you go berzerk. I thought you said I should tell them the reason I picked them. Catbert: Not the real reason.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 20, 2014's comic on:


Tags #new idea, #dream, #3d glasses, #for real life, #people love 3d, #not movies, #obvious, #ideas

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CEO: Last night, an idea for a new product came to me in a dream. Dilbert: ICK CEO: 3-D Glasses. Dilbert: To watch movies? CEO: No, real life. Dilbert: So...The glasses would make life in general appear three-dimensional? CEO: Exactly! People Love 3-D Stuff. Dilbert: Im not going to respond to your idea. Im just going to sit here looking three-dimensional. CEO: wait....how are you doing that? Dilbert: Im wearing glasses that make me look 3-D

Dogbert's Pep Talk

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Dogbert's Pep Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #virtual, #forget, #real, #people, #inadequate, #talk

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Dilbert: I'm worried that if I spend too much time using virtual reality, I'll forget how to talk to real people. Dogbert: I doubt you could get more boring and inadequate than you already are.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 29, 2011's comic on:


Tags #fake press relases, #new green technology, #scientist, #2040 power home, #refrigerator door, #science

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Dogbert says, "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green energy technologies." Computer says, "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door." Dilbert says, "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?" Dogbert says, "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 05, 2011's comic on:


Tags #deception, #questioning

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The Boss says, "How much confidence do you have in your cost projections?" Dilbert says, "I trust them like I trust you." The Boss says, "Are the assumptions realistic?" Dilbert says, "They're as real as your good judgment."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2011's comic on:


Tags #embarrassed of son, #Family, #food service industry, #insult, #locksmith, #mother, #named project manger, #paying for lunch, #restaurants, #sons occupation, #don't tell freinds

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Mom, the good news I wanted to tell you is that my boss named me project manager. Mom: Please keep that to yourself. I tell my friends you're a locksmith. Dilbert: You're paying for your own lunch. Waiter: I'm Ed. I'll be your project manager.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #meetings, #office workers, #focus areas, #sense of humor, #dumb enogh, #misunderstood man, #angry idiot, #selling it

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Boss: These are our 25 focus areas for next year. Asok: Ha ha! Good one. Sometimes I think you have no sense of humor and then zing! What? Dilbert: I think it's real. Asok: It can't be real. No one would be dumb enough to think we can focus on 25 areas. Don't worry. I've got this. This misunderstood man is a brilliant comedian. He is only pretending to be an angry idiot. You're totally selling it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 01, 2012's comic on:


Tags #employees, #frustration, #magic, #oogah-boogah, #folder, #assignment, #boss request, #attutude, #business

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Boss: Alice, can you take care of this by close of business today? Alice: Oogah-boogah! Work be done! Let's hope magic is real! Boss: We need to talk about your attitude.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 09, 1989's comic on:


Tags #book, #office workers, #writing

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair typing. He says to Dilbert, "I'm writing my first business management book, 'Managing in a Bureaucracy.'" Dilbert reads a draft, "You know you're in a bureaucracy when a hundred people who think 'A' get together and compromise on 'B.'" Dilbert asks, "Think anybody will read it?" Dogbert replies, "It doesn't matter. The real money is on the lecture circuit."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 19, 1989's comic on:


Tags #dog, #doghouse, #pet, #pet peeve, #animals

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Dilbert crouches in front of the fireplace stoking the fire. Dogbert says, "You know what really gripes my wagger?!" Dogbert continues, "Insensitive humans who say things like 'she's a real dog' or 'he's in the dog house' or 'it's a dog's life.'" Dilbert replies, "Sounds like a pet peeve."