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Dilbert sits at his desk working and talking on the phone at the same time. The Boss asks, "Have you set up our off-site meeting so we can talk about how overworked you are?" The Boss continues, "I was thinking we should invite the reast of the staff, too. We can discuss our mission statement, maybe have a sack race." The Boss adds, "Did you know that if you're a state trooper, you can shoot any animal that's been hit by a car?"
Dilbert, who is wearing a bathrobe, tells Dogbert, "I convinced my boss to let me telecommute." Dogbert asks, "How?" Dilbert replies, "Well, technically, I called in sick, which comes out of my time bank for total days off." Dilbert continues, "So, technically, I'm working for nothing, but I'm ahead in principle." Dogbert says, "WAY ahead, now that stupidity is a principle."
Dilbert tells Alice, "This so-called 'Family Friendly' policy is like a tax on childless people." Dilbert continues, "You get child-care; I get lower profit-sharing. YOU get time off for family; I get to pick up your slack . . ." Dilbert says, "I'm a victim, but in some strange way I'm enjoying it." Alice makes a fist and rolls up her sleeve. She says, "Then you'll love this."
Alice shivers and wraps her arms around herself. She thinks, "It's freezing in here." Alice thinks, "I'll just give the thermostat a little bump." Wally approaches Alice wearing only a tie and underwear. Wally asks, "Can we at least agree that when my cactus shrieks in agony, it's too warm?" Alice replies, "It wasn't shrieking BEFORE you took your shirt off."
Dilbert stands at the Boss's desk and says, "It is physically impossible for me to finish both of my projects on time. Which one is more important?" The Boss says, "Hmm . . . If I absolutely HAD to choose between them, I'd say . . . Do them both on time." Dilbert says, "Wow. When you do that with your arms, it creates the illusion that you're thinking." The Boss says, "What you need is a third project."
Dogbert tells Dilbert, "I'm off to my new job as an MTV reporter." Dogbert holds a microphone and stands next to a man wearing gold chains and a cap. Dogbert asks, "Rap star Freshy Q, what is the key to your success?" Freshy Q replies, "Always be yourself. Don't follow the crowd. Be true to your instincts." Dogbert asks, "Did YOU invent rap?" Freshy Q replies, "Uh . . . No." Dogbert says, "Oh, but you probably pioneered this style of dressing." Freshy Q replies, "Not exactly." Dogbert says, "But you write all of your own music." Freshy Q says, "No . . . I buy it." Dogbert asks, "The dance steps?" Freshy Q replies, "I hire a choreographer." Dogbert says, "Well, I'll bet nobody else folds his arms quite like you." Freshy Q says, "I don't like the direction this is heading."
Dogbert sits on his pillow listening to a radio. He hears Dilbert shout, "Yes!" Dogbert asks, "What happened?" Dilbert replies, "Nothing. I'm just practicing in case something good ever happens to me." Dilbert explains, "I'll yell 'Yes!' and pump my arms in a distinctive way." Dilbert continues, "Now I'm working on incorporating this spinning motion." Dilbert spins around and shouts, "Yes!!" Dilbert falls out the window. Dilbert lies face down in the grass. Dogbert stands over him and says, "It looks like you've got the 'distinctive' part down." Dilbert says, "Yes!"
Dilbert sits at a desk with a computer on it. Dogbert sits atop the computer. Dilbert says, "It's my job to integrate the bad technology that our idiot boss bought with the good technology we already own. Your advice?" Dogbert waves his arms in the air, "Throw away the bad technology. Goof off until the next planned upgrade of the good technology. Tell your boss the improvements are a result of his brilliant buying decision." Dilbert says, "Wow. That's almost pure evil." Dogbert says, "You're welcome."
Dilbert sits at his computer. Dogbert walks up and says, "I have a new method for blowing off the idiots who ask questions." Dogbert waves his tiny armsi in the air and says, "I say, 'That information ison my web page. Shoo, shoo." Dilbert asks, "What happens when they find out it isn't?" Dogbert replies, "I'll say, 'You must have misunderstood your question.'"
Wally sits at his computer. Dogbert says, "Wally, did you know your e-mail system isn't private?" Dogbert continues while Wally looks worried. "I've compiled a binder with all your off-color humor, unkind references to co-workers, naughty propositions, and admissions to theft." Wally asks, "Where is this heading?" Dogbert replies, "I'd like you to sing that question while hopping on one foot."