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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 08, 2003's comic on:


Tags #profitability, #year 3, #key revenue, #comet strike oil, #crashes through wall, #abstractions, #presentation

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Dilbert: "As requested, I wrote the business plan to show profitability by year three." Dilbert: "The key revenue assumption is that an armored car crashes through that wall and spills its contents." "And don't stand where the comet is assumed to strike oil."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 2004's comic on:


Tags #no frills airline, #$23 run to destinations, #crazy stuff, #saliva

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Dogbert: "I plan to start my own no-frill airline." "For only $23, I'll let people hold out their arms and run to their destinations." "And they won't be allowed to eat or swallow their own saliva."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #real estate agent, #documents, #overarched homes, #scarecrow manuafactirer, #run over

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The real estate agent DOgbert: Initial every page of this steaming mound of documents. Dilbert: This says that if I insist on overpricing my house then my agent can run over me with an SUV and... sell my clothes to a scarecrow manufacturer. Dogbert: its rarely enforced.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2004's comic on:


Tags #hired feral employee, #inexpensive, #untrained, #eat food, #run away

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I hired a feral employee. "He's inexpensive because he's totally untrained." "Chomp" "Ouch!" "So far he knows how to eat food and run away."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 1999's comic on:


Tags #peggy pr dircetor, #press release, #technical accuracy, #trained squirrel, #run on sentences, #transparent lies, #spelling grammar, #errors, #criticism stronger

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The Boss and a woman approach Dilbert. The Boss says, "Dilbert, this is Peggy the P.R. Director." The Boss continues, "I want you to review her press release for technical accuracy." Peggy presents a document to Dilbert. Dilbert sits and reads it. Peggy watches his reaction. Dilbert asks, "Who wrote this? A trained squirrel?" He continues, "I don't know where to begin." Peggy gets angry as Dilbert takes a pen to the press release. Dilbert says, "I'll cross out the run-on sentences and transparent lies first." Dilbert continues, "Then the failed attempts at cuteness... the spelling errors... grammar." Dilbert returns the press release to a Peggy, who is furious. Dilbert adds, "There you go. Remember, criticism makes you stronger." Dilbert is at home how, clothes torn to shreds, arm in a sling, head bandaged. To Dogbert, he says, "It was a mistake to make her stronger."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #cable company, #abusive service windows, #regis and kelly

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Dogbert: "I'm going to work for the cable company." Dilbert: "Why?" Dogbert: "I enjoy giving people abusive service windows." Dilbert: "Oh" Dogbert: "Well, if you can't be home from March to October, then say goodbye to Regis and Kelly!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 19, 2005's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #cable compnay, #new glasses, #couch, #couch tech support

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Dogbert works for the cable company "If your picture is fuzzy then get new glasses." "If my glasses are theproblem, why does the couch look perfectly clear?" "Good question. Please hold while I transfer your to couch tech support."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2005's comic on:


Tags #good news, #bad news, #coporate marathon, #26 miles, #run marathon, #tomorrow

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I have some good news and some bad news. "The good news is that the company is going to sponsor a corporate marathon team." "The bad news is that one of you has to run 26 miles tomorrow."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2005's comic on:


Tags #represent company, #corporate marathon, #run 26 miles, #designed special hat

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The Boss: "Wally, I want you to represent our company in the corporate marathon." "Um...I can't run 26 miles." "Yes, you can. I've designed a special hat to help you." "What the...?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 22, 2005's comic on:


Tags #cable, #doesn't attach, #create demand, #young people dancing, #budget cuts

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Our new product is a cable that doesn't attach to anything. "We hope to create demand via a series of commercials showing young people dancing." "And then we'll all go straight to hell." "He didn't take the last round of budget cuts well."