Sales Babble Comic Strips - Page 6
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The Boss: "Our new strategy is to sell fewer units at higher margins." Dilbert: "Question: How's that different from saying our sales stink, so we're cutting costs?" The Boss: "I call it a strategy so you won't lose hope." Dilbert: "It's working great."
Dilbert: "The only way to meet our sales target is by selling to customers who have bad credit." The Boss: "That's okay, we'll get our bonuses before anyone realizes that the accounts recievables are worhtless." The Boss: "The key to getting bonusses is acting surprised later." Dilbert: "I feel unclean."
"Our total sales to Elbonia are one package of software." "That can only mean that they're engaged in massive software piracy." "When I toss the tiny Frisbee (TM), you leap in the air and catch it in your mouth." "You first."
The land of unrealistic business assumptions. Dilbert: We need to find some assumptions about future sales. Dang! There's only one way across and it's blocked by an inebriated hillbilly. Dogbert: In the land of unrealistic assumptions, this guy is your only competitor.
Sales Engineer "Your sales rep told us that the product heals itself. Is that true?" Dilbert: It's totally true...that he said that. sales engineer: Let me ask this another way... Dilbert: NOOO!!! One way per question!"
Dilbert: I'm a sales support engineer now. Can you teach me to be a good liar? Dogbert: Sure. Meet me on the porch, and don't wear a coat; the cold will help the learning. The first lesson is always the cruelest."
Sales Engineer Sales engineer: I did the hard part of making the sale. All you have to do is install it. I might have promised them a few extra features. Did you bring your own massage table or should I just get naked and sprawl on a desk?
Boss: You're supposed to be cold calling sales prospects. Wally: I am. I'm using a video chat site to randomly meet potential customers. This guy is excited to see me, and that's half of the sales job right here.
The Boss says, "I cut the quality control budget to free up funds to increase our sales force." Dilbert says, "So your strategy is to sell a larger volume of defective products?" The Boss says, "The quality will be fine. The tests will just take longer." Dilbert says, "So...It's an antique thing?"