Stock Analyst Comic Strips - Page 6

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162 Results for Stock Analyst

View 51 - 60 results for stock analyst comic strips. Discover the best "Stock Analyst" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 1997's comic on:


Tags #discouraged, #pointy haired boss, #pep talk, #dead end job, #grinding away, #high blood pressure, #stock options, #doctor kevorkian

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Asok, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my job." Alice says, "You should talk to our pointy-haired boss." Wally says, "That'll cheer you up." Asok says, "Maybe you're right. All I need is a little pep talk from our leader." He leaves the room. Alice, Dilbert and Wally laugh. Asok sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You think YOU're discouraged . . ." The Boss continues, "I've been stuck in this dead-end job for years, grinding away, day after day." The Boss continues, "And all I have to show for it is high blood pressure and worthless stock options." Asok looks frightened. Dilbert and Wally stand behind Asok's desk. Dilbert says, "It's so gratifying to watch them grow up." Asok says into the telephone, "I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 31, 1999's comic on:


Tags #good product design, #gave three, #leadership, #product is bad, #stock willplunge, #totally meaningless, #signed card, #happy birthday

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Asok and Dilbert stand in front of the boss' desk. Dilbert says, "we need six weeks to make a good product design." Asok says, "You gave us three." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your leadership, the products is bad, our stock will plunge, and our lives are totally meaningless." Dilbert says, "Oh, and happy birthday." Asok holds a letter out and says, "We all signed a card."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 25, 1999's comic on:


Tags #hyper inflated stock, #real value, #hype triumphs substance, #moral compass, #spinning

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Dogbert and Ratbert are sitting in front of each other. Dogbert says: "Now I'll use my hype-inflated stock to buy companies that have a real value." Dogbert tells Ratbert: "The lesson is that hype always triumphs over substance." Dogbert says to Ratbert: "How's your moral compass doing?" Ratbert answers: "Spinning, just like you said it would!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 03, 2000's comic on:


Tags #unvested stock, #quit, #lose stock, #brain irrationality, #small loss, #huge opportunity, #stupid

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Outdoors, Dilbert tells Garbage Man: "If I quit I'll lose some unvested stock. That's why I'm willing to suffer my job." Garbage Man replies: "A normal brain irrationally puts more weight on a small loss than a huge opportunity." Dilbert begins to say: "But now that you explained it..." But Garbage Man interrupts him: "Now you're just stupid."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2000's comic on:


Tags #waiting, #stock isn't vested, #over flow, #limbo, #hell

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Dilbert thinks to himself in front of his computer terminal: "I can't do anything because I'm always waiting for someone else." Phil, the Ruler of Heck, appears and says to Dilbert: "And you can't quit because your stock isn't vested." Dilbert asks Phil: "Am I in Heck?" The latter replies: "No. I'm just working the overflow from limbo."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 2000's comic on:


Tags #ceo selling stock, #portfolio, #routine diversification, #sell, #sudden panic, #employees, #boss, #ceo, #business

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Studying company financial information at his terminal, Dilbert exclaims: "Yikes! Our CEO is selling his stock!" At the Boss's office, the Boss reassures Dilbert: "Don't worry. It's routine diversification of his portfolio." Dilbert says: "Oh...I guess that's okay." Meanwhile the Boss stares at his computer screen and furiously works the keyboard as he thinks to himself: "Sell, sell, sell."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 07, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dont pay enough, #hire brilliant people, #web team, #stock options

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An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2000's comic on:


Tags #evil hr director, #offered stock incentives, #working hard enogh, #beating customers

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Catbert, now acting as the Evil H.R. director, aks Dilbert "Would you work harder if we offerec stock incentives." Dilbert responds, "Yes." Catbert asks, "So you admit you're not working hard enough now?" Dilbert replies unsure "Umm..." Catbert goes on to ask Dilbert, "Lastly, are you still beating up customers?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #bags of crud, #highly valued, #stock options, #worth a fortune, #worthless, #shut up

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Wally approaches the Boss sitting at his desk reading the paper. Wally says, "My stock options are worth a fortune now, you miserable bag of crud!" The Boss types something in his computer and says, "Oh, look, they're back down to worthless." Dilbert, Alice and Wally sit eating lunch. Dilbert says, "Try telling him that bags of crud are highly valued in some societies." Wally says, "Shut up."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 12, 2000's comic on:


Tags #believe loser, #implied, #picking stock, #stock tip

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Wally asks Alice, "Do you want a good stock tip?" Alice says, "Are you asking me to believe you're a loser at every aspect of life except picking stock?" Wally and Dilbert are having lunch. Wally says, "That's not what I'm asking." Dilbert says, "It's implied."