Systems Costs Comic Strips - Page 6

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128 Results for Systems Costs

View 51 - 60 results for systems costs comic strips. Discover the best "Systems Costs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #doctor, #health, #nothing, #naked, #people, #thing, #cold, #office

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Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "Here at the 'Jiffy Med Center' we do everything to keep your health costs down." The man continues, "In fact, none of us has any medical training so they pay us almost nothing." Dilbert asks, "Why do you do it?" The man grasps the stethoscope and replies, "I like putting this cold thing on naked people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #romantic, #match, #life, #happiness, #key, #avoid, #person, #Catbert

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The caption says, "They say everybody has a perfect romantic match . . ." Dilbert and Dogbert walk outdoors. The caption says, "And they say the key to a life of happiness . . ." A woman who looks like Dilbert walks outdoors with her cat. The caption says, ". . . Is to avoid that person at all costs." As they pass each other Dilbert, Dogbert, the female Dilbert and her cat all think, "Yuck."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #justify, #computer, #Draw, #attention, #empowerment, #quiet

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Dilbert sits at his desk thinking, "I need to work on something big so I can justify my existence here." Dilbert thinks, "But not something important, because that would draw attention to me at a time of staff cuts." Dilbert thinks, "What can I do that costs a lot but nobody wants?" The Boss walks by thinking, "'Empowerment' sure made them quiet."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business meeting, #Dilbert, #the boss, #productivity, #ted, #Wally

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I need to identify any unnecessary and unproductive employees so I can cut costs." The Boss asks, "Does anybody have spare time to join my task force on productivity?" Ted raises his hand and the Boss says, "Good, good . . . Anybody else?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #alice, #Dilbert, #seminar

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The Boss says to Dilbert and Alice, "I found a seminar that will teach fire-walking as a way to build confidence." The Boss continues, "Each of you will have to walk barefoot over burning coals while I watch!" Dilbert asks, "But amazingly, we learn how to do it without injury, right?" The Boss replies, "No, that seminar costs a lot more."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #product, #what it does, #who would duse it, #rest later, #plan to sell, #psychic

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"We don't know what the project should do or who would use it." "But if you could tell us what it costs to build it, we'll figure out the rest later." "What year do you plan to sell it?" "What am I - psychic or something??"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no work, #invented code, #accounting systems, #mid 80s, #undocumented spaghetti logic, #holy grail, #technology

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Dilbert: "I've never seen you do any real work around here, Irv. How do you get away with it?" IRV: "I wrote the code for our accounting system back in the mid-eighties. It's a million lines of undocumented spaghetti logic." DILBERT: "It's the Holy Grail of technology!!" IRV: "You boys may find a little extra in your envelopes this month."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #losing life support, #red alert, #scanning, #tractor beam, #trade show

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AT the trade show.... Dilbert: Uh-oh. A vendor is scanning me. Dilbert: Im caught in a tractor beam! red alert! red alert! Losing life support systems Man: ...and I can even calculate fractions!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #benefits, #define reality, #half the cost, #keep objectives, #rewrite business case, #cut funding

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The Boss: I decided to cut your project funding in half but keep the objectives the same. Its a brilliant plan, We get all the benefits at half the costs! Dilbert: Why is it that the nuttiest people define reality? The boss: and why couldn't I rewrite the business case to increase revenue?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new name for group, #engineering science research, #designed business cards, #long name, #complicated

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I came up with a new name for our group." The Boss continues, "From now on we're the 'Engineering Science Research Technology Systems Information Quality and Excellence Center.'" Wally says, "You should throw 'efficiency' in there too." The Boss holds up a long piece of paper and says, "I designed the business cards myself."