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Dogbert: I'll pay you a million dollars a year to work at my hedge fund. I'll do the insider trading and you pretend you created an algorithm that makes winning trades. Dilbert: What if I actually create the algorithm? Dogbert: Sure, and maybe you can eat fiber and make gold, too.
Dilbert: Every time I have an idea for a new app, I discover that ten people already created something just like it. As the population of the world increases, the potential value of every idea I have approaches zero. Dogbert: So, it's the entire world's fault that you have unoriginal ideas? Dilbert: Why does your agreeing sound like mocking?
Dilbert: ... and that's my suggestion for our next product. Alice: How do we know that ten other companies aren't working on the same idea. Dilbert: Well, that's always a possibility. Wally: There are seven billion people on Earth. I'll bet a million of them had this idea. Asok: It's irrational to think that any new product is likely to be a hit. On the other hand, we only get paid if we pretend to be optimistic about new products. Wally: All in favor of faking our optimism, raise your hands. Dilbert: All I could get was a fake buy-in. Boss: That's the only kind there is.
Dilbert sits on an examining table in a doctor's office. The doctor says, "Normally I'd give you six months to live." The physician continues, "But we're having a '50% off sale' today, so I'll give you a full year for the same price." Dilbert lies back on the table. The doctor says, "And you get an extra ten days if you pay cash!"
Dogbert sits on his pillow playing a guitar. Dilbert asks, "What's all the racket?" Dogbert replies, "I'm singing the 'greens.'" Dilbert asks, "Is that like the 'blues?'" Dogbert replies, "Same beat, just not so darned depressing." Dogbert sings, "Oooh . . . My car needs a tune up and I overslept ten minutes baaabee . . ."
A man stands at the counter in "Burger Queen." The sign over the counter advertises a "99 cent special." The man says to the person behind the cash register, "Only 99 cents?!! Ha ha ha!! Give me ten thousand of them! For HERE!!" Dogbert stands behind the man thinking, "These lottery winners are really starting to bug me."
Dilbert sits on an examining table holding his arm. A man with a stethoscope says, "You're healthy. That's fifty dollars." Dilbert says angrily, "You haven't even looked at my arm!" The man says, "Who's the doctor here?" Dilbert replies, "Apparently, neither of us." The man says, "Right. So it's just your word against mine."
Dilbert lies in bed looking at the alarm clock. He thinks, "Ten A.M. already?" Dilbert stands up and rubs his head. Dilbert thinks, "Great . . . Now I've got one of those headaches from oversleeping. Only one cure . . ." Back in his bed, Dilbert thinks, "You can't get too much of a bad thing."
Dilbert opens his door to two women. One woman says, "Hi, we're with the 'Women's Power Organization.' Do you have a moment?" The woman hits Dilbert in the stomach and his glasses fly off his face. Dilbert lies in the doorway. As they walk away one woman asks, "How many are left?" The other woman replies, "Two billion."
Dogbert flies through the sky in a hover-saucer. Dogbert thinks, "I should be able to conquer Elbonia in about ten minutes with this thing." Dogbert thinks, "I'll be 'King Dogbert of Elbonia,' despotic yet congenial. Uh-oh." An American missle flies toward the saucer. The missile asks, "Did you watch PBS last night?" Dogbert says, "Aaagh!!! It's a smart missile! It's boring in on me!!"