Useless Data Comic Strips - Page 6

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297 Results for Useless Data

View 51 - 60 results for useless data comic strips. Discover the best "Useless Data" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 1998's comic on:


Tags #obnoxious, #useless coworker, #needed cooperation, #expiration date, #cologne

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Alice tells Dilbert and Wally, "I'm glad he quit. He was such an obnoxious, useless co-worker." Dilbert says, "We had to be nice to him because we needed his cooperatin." Wally yells, "The jerk!" Wally complains, "He should check the expiration date on his cologne!" Ed angrily thinks, "Next time, I will not give two weeks' notice."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 11, 1998's comic on:


Tags #stellar week, #accomplishments, #data bits, #disaster recovery, #back up facility, #copy a file, #diskette, #resume

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The Boss, Wally, and Dilbert sitting at table. Wally says, "I'm pleased to report another stellar week of accomplishments." Wally continues, "I moved more than 800,00 bits of data to a disaster recovery back-up facility!" As Dilbert and Wally walk away, Dilbert says, "Did you just take credit for copying a file to a diskette?" Wally says, "It was my resume."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 1995's comic on:


Tags #cahnges, #corporate culture, #longer hours, #without pay, #management says same, #team, #vapid slogans, #notepads, #useless meetings, #culture change, #fad menu, #rule by fear, #business

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The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "I've decided to make some changes to our corporate culture." Wally says, "Let me guess what that means." Wally continues, "We'll work longer hours without extra pay . . ." Wally continues, "Your management style will remain exactly the same because Lord knows there's no need for YOU to change." Dilbert adds, "We'll start calling ourselves a 'team' so it doesn't seem like work!" Alice covers her eyes and says, "I predict there will be vapid slogans printed on notepads, and maybe some useless meetings." Dilbert says, "She's psychic!" Dilbert asks, "Is is just me or is the culture already changing?" Wally shouts, "I feel it! We're changing!" Wally looks at the agenda and asks, "What's next on the fad menu?" The Boss thinks, "I wonder if it's too late to rule by fear."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 01, 1996's comic on:


Tags #two day workshop, #mission, #vision, #useless jargon, #illiterate execustives, #mind numbing, #job security, #ethical behavior, #better idea, #high marks, #class evalutaion

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A man says, "In this two day workshop, you will learn to embrace our company's mission and vision." Dilbert, Wally and Alice sit in the audience. The man continues, "At first glance it will appear to be a bunch of useless jargon created by functionally illiterate executives." The man continues, "But after we do some mind-numbing group exercises . . ." The man continues, ". . . You'll forget that you're underpaid and you have no job security." The man turns to an easel and says, "We'll begin by writing down all the things that 'ethical behavior' means to you." Alice says, "I've got a better idea: if you let us leave now, we'll give you high marks on the class evaluation." The man stands at the front of the room thinking. Wally hands the man his evaluation and says, "Good job. You touched me." The man replies, "You wish."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 15, 1998's comic on:


Tags #technical recomendation, #useless and weak, #decisions, #helvetica font, #wrong, #coach, #wally and boss, #desk

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Wally stick his head into The Boss's office he is holding a piece of paper. Wally says, "I finished the technical recommendation you requested." Wally gives the report to The Boss. Wally says, "At first I was miffed that you told me what recommendation you wanted." Wally explains, "It made me feel useless and weak." The Boss reads the recommendation. Wally says, "But rather than dwell on my powerlessness." Wally raises his arm, enpowered. Wally says, "I decided to find joy in the one decision that I CAN make." Wally says, "I chose a Helvetica type font. And I never looked back." The Boss says, "Oh, that's what's wrong with it." The Boss thinks, "I coach and I coach, but they still walk out of here all rubber-legged."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 25, 1999's comic on:


Tags #executives, #strategic planning, #sessions, #inadequate data, #knowledge attained, #reorganize, #tried, #magazine

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The boss meets with Wally and Dilbert. The boss says, "Our executives have started their annual strategic planning sessions." The boss says, "This involves sitting in a room with inadequate data until an illusion of knowledge is attained." The boss says, "Then we'll reorganize. because that's all we know how to do!" Wally says, "Have you tried it with a magazine?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 1999's comic on:


Tags #boss can't understand hire, #rodeo clown, #engineer, #smells like hay, #fifty percent, #data network engineer, #engineering

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A man in a dirty shirt says, to the boss, "Mwa fwa fwa ooh mah fuh." The boss says, "I can't understands a word you say." The boss says, "And your poorly dressed. You must be some sort of technology expert. Or a rodeo clown." The boss introduces dirty guy to Alice. The boss says, "There's a fifty percent chance I hired a data network engineer." Alice says, "I smell hay."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 17, 1999's comic on:


Tags #transfer sales dept, #scapegoat, #make useless pordcuts, #low sales, #good prodcuts, #perfect wrld

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The boss says, to the scapegoat, "I'm transferring you to the sales department, scapegoat." The boss says, "Then we can make useless products and blame you for our low sales." The scapegoat says, "Wouldn't it be better to make good products?" The boss says, "In a perfect world."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 1999's comic on:


Tags #lawyer, #court, #Dilbert, #whistle blower, #emplyer, #aaplets, #cookie data, #competing protals, #jury selction, #hungry, #legal

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Lawyer: Okay whistle blower, explain to the jury the alleged crimes pf your employer. ...Then our applets were designed to corrupt cookie data from all competing portals. Dilbert: Nice jury selection, Lawyer: So far you've made them hungry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 1999's comic on:


Tags #dogberts tech support, #upgrade software, #old software, #back up data, #delete it yourself

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Caption: "Dogbert's tech support" Dogbert talks on the phone at a computer. Dogbert says, "If you upgrade your software, all of your data will be lost." Dogbert says, "But if you don't upgrade, the old software will corrupt your data one bit at a time." Dogbert says, "And if you try to back up your data, our software will hunt you down and bit-slap you until you delete it yourself."