Desk Comic Strips - Page 60

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags monkeys, pick stocks, dogbert mutual fund, better professional, employee only monkeys, high fees, hiring the best, paid commercial

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On television, Dogbert speaks in a paid commercial about his mutual fund. Dogbert says, "Studies have shown that monkeys can pick stocks better than most professionals." The Boss watches the tv commercial. Dogbert says, "That's why the Dogbert mutual fund employs only monkeys." Dogbert sits at a desk surrounded by monkeys. Dogbert says, "Yes, our fees are high, but I don't apologize for hiring the best."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags starting business, masseur, cubicle dwellers, touch my back, chair massage

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Dogbert sits on a ledge or table. Bob the dinosaur says, "I'm starting my own business as a masseur." He has a towel draped over his arm. Bob says, "My specialty will be in-office chair massages for cubicle dwellers." Wally sits at his desk in front of his computer and says, "Were you planning to touch my back at any point?" Bob massages Wally office chair and says, "It's a CHAIR massage, pervert."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Catbert, evil hr director, reward employees, reward, skip staff meeting, alice

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Catbert sits on The Boss's desk and says, "You don't need to reward employees." Catbert says, "Just torture them less. It will feel the same as a reward." The Boss says, "You may skip my staff meeting this week, Alice." Alice leans back, claps her hands together and says, "Thank you, thank you , thank you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dogbert research, small dog, with glasses, bureau of dogs, 50 dollars, file complaint

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Dogbert Research Co. Dogbert says, "First question: What would you losers do if a small dog with glasses took advantage of you?" A man shakes his fist and says, "We would complain to the... um... whoever handles that sort of thing!" The woman says, "Yeah!" The man shows up at the "Bureau of Dogs." He says to Dogbert, who sits behind a desk earing a turban, "It costs fifty bucks to file a complaint?" Dogbert says, "And ten bucks to borrow a pen."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags authentic baby, week old, explain absence, mickey rooney

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Woman's hands holds a babay over The Boss's desk. Woman says, "This is an authentic baby, less than one week old." Woman says, "As I feed this authentic baby in fron of you, recall how big my stomach was last week." Woman says, "So, do I still need a note from my doctor to explain my absence?" The Boss says, "Yes, unless you can prove where Mickey Rooney is right now."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags analogy police, boss compared, mink coat, importance

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Asok goes to the Analogy Police. A sign on the door reads, "Open." Phil, ruler of Heck, sits behind a desk. Asok says, "My boss said I was as important as a mink is to a mink coat." Phil says, "That sounds fine to me." Asok says, "But the Mink dies." Phil says, "I guess you won't be leaving a full fifteen precent tip."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags phil, ruler of heck, pitchspoon, minor sins, merging company, non alcoholic beer, synergy, bad pun

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Phil says, "I used to be Phil The Ruler of Heck. My pitchspoon was feared by all who committed minor sins." Asok leans on Phil's desk. Phil says, "Then I made the mistake of merging with a company that makes non-alcoholic beer. I was ousted." Phil screams, "They said we'd have synergy!" Asok suggests, "Maybe it was just a bad pun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags walk at lunch, bomb threat, hoax, yesterday, low morale, lottery ticket, potential irony

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Dilbert says, "Did you go for a walk at lunch?" The Boss is wearing an over coat. He says, "Not exactly." The Boss hangs his coat on a caot rack and says, "I got a bomb threat. I didn't tell anyone else, just in case it was a hoax. Dilbert says, "It was only yesterday that I was saying my morale couldn't be any lower." The Boss sits behind his desk and says, "I bought a lottery ticket to increase the potential irony."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags deputy of common sense, motivate emplyees, insulting gifts, symbolism, chess pieces, same team, pawns, saving rooks

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Dogbert is dressed as a policeman and stands on The Boss's desk and says, "You are accused of trying to motivate employees with insulting gifts." The Boss says, "You're missing the symbolism. I gave them chess pieces to show them we're all on the same team." Dogbert hass a hand on his gun and syas, "Specifically, you gave them pawns." The Boss says, "I'm saving the rooks for bonus day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, harmful to workers, demonstrate danger, controlled experimnet, rebellion, sarcasm, complacency, going bald

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WARNING!! Dogbert sits behind a desk with Wally and says, "Author Norman Solomon has determined that the Dilbert comic strip is harmful to workers." A comic strip sits on the table. Dogbert shows the comic strip to Wally and says, "I will demonstrate the danger with this carefully controlled experiment." Dogbert asks, "Have your palns for rebellion been replaced by sarcasm and complacency?" Wally rubs his head and says, "And I think I'm going bald, too!"