Computer Comic Strips - Page 60
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Character
634 Results for Computer
View 591 - 600 results for computer comic strips. Discover the best "Computer" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday April 15,
2014
Tags computer programmers, email, email down, guy in hopsital, ouija board, limited rescources
Transcript
Dilbert: Email is down again. Mordac: The only guy who can fix it is in the hospital. Dilbert: So... if he dies, we can never again have email? Mordac: Maybe. Dilbert: Is there any way I can reach him? Mordac: Wait a week and try a Oiji board.
Sunday April 27,
2014
Tags business ethics, deception, new business strategy, laptop, coffee shop, public access, wifi, hackers, strategy document, sell secrets, competitors, business strategy, break in
Transcript
Dilbert: Wally, I want you to create a new business strategy for the company. Then use your laptop in a coffee shop that has public access to wi-fi. Hackers will get into your computer in minutes and steal your strategy document. With any luck, the hackers will sell those secrets to our competitors. Obviously, we would never use any strategy you created, so our competitors will be misled. Wally: So... you want me to do a bad job on an assignment and then go drink coffee? Boss: Can you handle that? Wally: I like my odds. Dilbert: Why do you want a copy of our business strategy? Wally: It'll save a step.
Wednesday May 07,
2014
Tags correct data, incorrect data, interactions with boss, questioning, totally accurate, desk, computer, office, technology
Transcript
Boss: Are you sure the data you gave me is correct? Dilbert: I've been giving you incorrect data for years. This is the first time you've asked. Boss: What? Dilbert: I said the data is totally accurate.
Sunday May 11,
2014
Tags efficiency experts, employee tracking, wandering aorund, meetings, restroom trips, employee monitoring, wrist monitor, low levels of caffeine, typos up, beat authority figure, tablet computer, danger signals, workloads
Transcript
Boss: Okay, let's see how employee 3452378 is doing. According to our employee tracking system, you have wandered around the office 17% more than the average employee. Dilbert: Maybe I have more meetings than most people. Boss: No, most of the difference is in restroom trips and detours past an attractive woman's desk. Your wrist monitor shows unacceptably low levels of caffeine for your workload. That's probably why your typos are up 9% and you have looked away from your workstation nine more times than last month. Now your wrist monitor indicated a desire to bean an authority figure to death with his own tablet computer. Phew! Your brain's wuss subroutine just kicked in. The danger has passed.
Saturday July 05,
2014
Tags inventions, artificial intelligence, software, phb test, hide, html5, talking, engineering
Transcript
Dilbert: My artificial intelligence software passes the PHB test. That means I can hide it behind a curtain and people won't know if they're talking to a computer or a pointy-haired boss. Computer, what is HTML5? Computer: Beats me. Boss: I was going to say that!
Monday July 07,
2014
Tags computers & peripherals, frustration, inventions, no sense, standard turing test, upset, company strategy
Transcript
Dilbert: My software can't pass a standard Turing test yet, but it does pass the pointy-haired boss test. Computer, I have a question about our company strategy. Computer: Try working smarter. Dilbert: That doesn't even make sense! CEO: I wasn't prepared to like it, but you won me over.
Wednesday July 16,
2014
Tags money, trees, computer model, genetically modify, tree growth, rare earth minerals, run a trail, money dents grow on trees, fault
Transcript
Dilbert: My computer model indicates that I can genetically modify a tree to grow leaves made of rare earth minerals. All I need is a hundred dollars to run a trial. Boss: Sorry. Money doesn't grow on trees. Dilbert: Well, now we know whose fault that is. Boss: Strangers?
Saturday July 26,
2014
Tags surveillance, outsourced micromanaging, amazons mechanical turk, other countries, computer cameras, criticize, resisting change
Transcript
Boss: I outsourced my micromanaging to Amazon's mechanical Turk. People in other countries will watch you on your computer cameras and criticize every move you make. Dilbert: That feels like a terrible idea. Turk: Stop resisting change.
Sunday March 01,
2015
Tags computers, customer service, frustration, installing drivers, software, tech support, technical support, technology, engineering
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support. Dilbert: The error message says my copy of Windows is not genuine. Dogbert" I'll walk you through a series of steps that won't work. Dilbert: Wait... what? Dogbert: After seventeen attempts that involve rebooting, you will lose hope. At some point you will give up and buy a new computer just to be done with it all. We'll start by uninstalling all of your drivers and reinstalling. Dilbert: Can I skip all of the useless steps and just buy a new computer? Dogbert: Sure, but you don't need to be a jerk about it.
Tuesday March 24,
2015
Dogbert Makes A Product That Begs For Updates
Tags product design, product designer, cruelty, update, computer, reboot, operating system, torture, technology
Transcript
Dogbert The Product Designer. Dogbert: I created an operating system that uses up 80% of your time begging for updates. That still leaves a healthy 20% of your time to... reboot your computer over and over. Boss: Can it fax?

