Fake Own Death Comic Strips - Page 60

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

685 Results for Fake Own Death

View 591 - 600 results for fake own death comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Own Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags scam, language, accent, communication

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I'm starting a foreign accent schools for the lazy. People assume you're smarter when you know more than one language. But learning a new language takes too much work. So I'll teach you how to speak your own language with a foreign accent. People will assume you are bilingual at the very least. And when you use bad grammar with a foreign accent it makes you look adorable. You'll never need to do another courtesy laugh, either. People will just assume you didn't get the joke. Dilbert: This is one of your better ideas. Dogbert: You should hear it with an accent!

View more books now

Hire A Famous Cartoonist

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hire A Famous Cartoonist - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags samsung, safety, explosion, battery, marketing, trust, celebrity, cartoonist, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need to regain customer trust after our exploding phone fiasco. Dogbert: You need a celebrity endorsement. People trust celebrities with their life-and-death decisions. Maybe a famous cartoonist. Boss: I don't see how that could go wrong. Narrator: Continued...

Volunteers For Mars Trip

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Volunteers For Mars Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags space, astronaut, engineering, karma, death, design, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I need volunteers to go to Mars in the spaceship we're building. Dilbert: Ask Ted. He's dispensable because he's a terrible engineer. Boss: Ted designed the spaceship. Dilbert: Karma will sort that all out.

Naming The Spaceship

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Naming The Spaceship - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags naming, space, space flight, rocket, engineering, failure, death, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Ted: I'm looking for a name for the spaceship that I designed. Dilbert: How about "Death Tube?" Alice: "Space Debris?" Wally: "Final Resting Place?" Ted: I was hoping for something more positive. Voice: We're positive it will explode.

Picking The Spaceship Staff

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags space, space flight, rocket, death, sacrifice, astronaut, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Spreading Ted's Ashes

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Spreading Ted's Ashes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags apathy, ashes, cremation, death, spreading, toilet, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Ted's widow asked us to spread his ashes around the office because he loved his job. Wally: I'll do it. Alice: You didn't like Ted. Wally: Was that a requirement? Alice: Don't let anyone see you flush it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags happiness, work, torture, human resources, hr, manipulation, content, psychology, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: The one called Dilbert is showing signs of happiness at work. Boss: That means we can give him more work and he won't quit. Excellent. Is anyone else exhibiting signs of unauthorized happiness? Catbert: No. Everyone else is in the narrow band of misery you want them to be in. If they were any happier, it would mean you're overpaying them. If they were any less happy, the would take their own lives. If you don't hear any laughing or screaming, it means you're doing something right. Boss: What about moans? Catbert: Moans are ideal. That's the sweet spot.

Boss Tweets Fake News

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Tweets Fake News - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags conversation, mobile (cell) phones, talk, window

View Transcript

Transcript

The department of education asked us to talk to you about all of your tweeting. You tweeted so much fake news that the average I.Q. in the country plunged seven points. That doesn't hurt anyone. You tweeted "seat belts are designed to strangle survivors so they won't sue."

Faking Their Own Deaths

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Faking Their Own Deaths - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, distraction, subversion, alias, espionage, hiding, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My job as the team scrum for our agile methodology is to remove distractions so you can work. I've created fake identities for each of us, and I'll be spreading the rumor that we all died. Carol: I heard they all died. Boss: Nice try. I will find them!

Honest Opinion But Polite

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Honest Opinion But Polite - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags criticism, political correctness, politically correct, company policy, honesty

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our new politeness policy forbids me from giving you an honest opinion of your idea. So, instead, I will talk about an unrelated topic and you can draw your own conclusions. So... did you hear about the manure fire that burned down a pig farm?