Boss: I can't give you a bonus this year because we paid too much to buy another company.
Dilbert: Are you saying my efforts and my rewards are no longer linked?
Boss: Noooo. I'm not saying anything like that. I'm just saying your compensation isn't influenced by your performance.
Dilbert: That's the same thing!
Boss: Teamwork means we all share the rewards and we all have to share the pain.
Dilbert: Does that mean management won't be getting bonuses either?
Boss: Now you've made it awkward.
Boss: I'm negotiating a deal with the government of Elbonia. They agreed to buy a thousand dollars of our products. All I had to do was agree to let them steal all of our intellectual property.
Dilbert: Wouldn't it be better for us if they didn't steal our I.P.?
Boss: You have to look at the big picture. They also agreed to stop killing tens of thousands of our citizens with their illegal drug shipments.
Dilbert: Did they stop?
Boss: No, but they said they would.
Dilbert: Maybe you should negotiate harder.
Boss: And risk losing a thousand dollars of revenue?
dilbert: lately i've been feeling loyal to my company. and that makes me work extra hard for no extra money. do you have a pill to keep me from working so hard?
doctor: they all do that if you take enough of them.
boss: we're moving our manufacturing operations to elbonia to save money.
dilbert: are you worried about elbonian government's reputation?
boss: nah. i try to stay out of the weeds.
dilbert: they're building concentration camps and rounding up dissenters. they intenionally poisoned a hundred thousand people in this country. they are habitual stealers of intellectual property, and they routinely ignore agreements they have signed. and they have a well-known goal of weakening other countries so they can dominate the world.
boss: why can you just admit i'm saving money?
boss: this is the worst idea i have ever seen.
dilbert: didn't you once tell me you spent all of your savings on a fake psychic? and the only prediction she got right was that you would lose all of your money?
boss: she also predicted i would be unhappy.
dilbert on couch at home: what good is earning money if it costs me my soul?
dogbert: well, for one thing, it's the only way you can pay your rent.
dilbert: rent? i own this house.
dogbert: you really should read the things i ask you to docusign.
boss: i don't want employees who are only working for the money. i want employees who are working to make the world a better place.
dilbert: how does working here make the world a better place? half of our products cause cancer, and the other half don't work at all.
wally: we don't even pay taxes. one could argue that every day we spend working here makes the planet a little bit worse.
boss: is that why i never see you doing any work?
wally: when did it become a crime to care about people? sheesh!
boss: i'm looking for ideas to improve morale without spending money.
alice: we could take turns punching you.
boss yells: no punching! any other ideas?
wally: did anyone suggest kicking?
boss drinking coffee: they say you can't take your money with you when you die. but does that include bitcoin? because even a ghost can remember a password.
dilbert: why would a ghost need money?
boss: have you never noticed they all wear clothes?
dogbert at laptop: now that i'm managing the cloud, it's time to make some social changes. i'll transfer any remaining money from low-income people to the rich.
dilbert in bath robe: that feels wrong.
dogbert: i'm just adding efficiently to the inevitable.
