New York Harbor Comic Strips - Page 60
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1000 Results for New York Harbor
View 591 - 600 results for new york harbor comic strips. Discover the best "New York Harbor" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 18,
2004
Tags berating, humilation, importance of work, making sound rate products, motivate staff, no prasie, no raises, threats belittling, trophy wives
Transcript
The boss; I need help motivating the staff. Catbert: what have you already tried? The Boss: Threats, belittling, humiliation, empty promises, berating, slogans , posters and bullying. Catbert: hmmm...we can't praise them or they'd as for raises. Catbert: Maybe they can be motivated by the importance of their work. The boss: their work is making second rate products to sell to idiots so our executives can afford trophy wives. Catbert: have you tried yelling until your face turns purple? The boss> make three copies, please!!!! Carol: This is new.
Sunday July 25,
2004
Tags vp marketing, saturate airwaves, as campiagn, talking squirrel, fake accent, complete fraud, pack up desk, ruin everything
Transcript
The boss: Our Vp of marketing here to describe our new bet the company strategy. we'll saturate the airwaves with an ad campaign featuring a talking squirrel. He'll have a face norwegian accent like, "Geeve me zee nuts" ha ha! Any questions? Yes, you with the strange ghead, Dilbert: How will a talking squirrel make people but our products? I just realized Ima complete fraud, I'll pack up my desk and leave immediately. The Boss: can we get through one meeting without you ruining everything?
Sunday August 01,
2004
Tags lost id badge, security offcie, sneak, angel with bacon, looks around
Transcript
Dilbert: I lost my ID besiege. Security: Report to the security office and get a new one. Hold it where do you think you're going? Dilbert: To the security office? Security: No one is allowed past this desk with out an ID badge. Dilbert: Okay....how do I go to the security office if I can't go to the security office? Security: Good question. I guess you'll have to steal past me. Dilbert: Look over there! Its an angel and she's giving away free bacon! Security: well well It seems Ive found a worthy adversary.
Wednesday August 04,
2004
Tags viosnary executives, block of wood, foresee good numbers, new glasses
Transcript
"Optometrist for Visionary Executives" "Look through this block of wood." "Is this better or worse?" "Better." "I forsee forty quarters of growth." "Hey, new glasses?"
Friday August 20,
2004
Tags great design, big seller, attractive, honor flaw, functionality, sex crimes, accuses user, cute
Transcript
"Product designer" "The new product is selling like crazy, thanks to it's great design." "Sales" "It's so attractive that people over look its minor flaws in functionality." "For example, it accuses the user of sex crimes whenever company comes over." "And it's cute!"
Sunday August 22,
2004
Tags girlfriend, two probelms, looks, personlaity, extreme makeover, fascinated by new person, 9 good tsories, social liability, relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: why can't I find a girlfriend? DOgbert: you have two problems: your looks and your personality. Dilbert: Hmm,two itsn't bad. I can fix my looks by getting and extreme makeover. Dogbert: you'll still need to improve M.T.T.S.F. Dilbert: What? Dogbert: mean time to story failure: Its a measure of ho long you can be fascinating to a new person. Dogbert: Ive been counting and you only ave nine good stories after you use them up youre a social liability. Dilbert: I saw a horse kick a woodchuck over a fence. Dogbert: still only nine.
Wednesday August 25,
2004
Tags greetings earthlings, planetary annihilation, break room, new coffee stirrers
Transcript
"Greetings, earthling. I bring you either wisdom or planetary annihilation. The choice is yours." "Stay in the break room. I'll go get my leader." "Very well." "The new coffee stirrers are great, but I got the last one."
Sunday August 29,
2004
Tags employee attitude survey, bigger bonuses, happy, money, lie, no lying, surveys, science, new couch
Transcript
The Boss: Our bonuses will depend on the results of the employee attitude survey. If we boost our morale rank, we'll get bigger bonuses. get it? all you have to do is say you're happy and you get money. wink wink wink Dilbert: you want us to lie? No-o-o-o! Heaven forbid, absolutely no lying, But if you did lie, Imagine the things you could buy with that money, I'll hand out the surveys and you can let your conscience guide you. Dilbert: Is "para dise too over the top? Wally: Im going to lie me up a new couch!
Sunday September 12,
2004
Tags better deal, coworkers, hike jacket, lunch, miser salad, paying half, respected colleague, steaks
Transcript
WallyL Tina would you like y go to lunch with me? as a coworker or as a date? as a respected colleague. tina: sounds fishy. I know you're up to something: I just don't know what. you're getting the better deal. I'll be looking at your face but you get to look at me. Maybe you could hike up your jacket to occur your face. wally: fair enough, Tina: thi sis not a a=date. I insist on paying fifty percent. wally: Ok. Tina: I'll have the miser salad and water. wally: I'll have three half priced new york steaks.
Wednesday September 15,
2004
Tags five projects, deliverables, motivational email, slacker, coffee cup
Transcript
Wally: Is it okay if I take on five new projects and ten deliverables? The Boss: um....okay. My motivational email messages are working, Alice: Can you help... Wally: whoa! don't know how many projects I have?

