How To Comic Strips - Page 60
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1000 Results for How To
View 591 - 600 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday November 19,
2012
Tags business ethics, gotcha fees, airlines, make moneky, terrible battery life, high five
Transcript
Dogbert: You need to have more "gotcha" fees. That's how airlines make their money. For example, you could design your product to have a terrible battery life, then sell extra chargers for ten times your cost. CEO: And maybe the chargers could break after two months. Dogbert: High five!
Friday November 16,
2012
Tags coffee & tea, exhaustion / tiredness, sploosh
Transcript
Coworker: I'm so tired today. Wally: Sorry. I get excited when people have problems that I know how to solve.
Saturday November 10,
2012
Tags work ethic, 90 day performance plan, low ambitions
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I'm putting you on a ninety-day performance improvement play. Ted: Yes!!! I've always dreamed of making it onto the performance improvement plan! Boss: It's not as good as it sounds. Ted: With all due respect, you don't know how low my ambitions are.
Sunday November 04,
2012
Tags work ethic, employee survey, respect and dignity, feel gross, disgust, paper towel
Transcript
Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?
Saturday November 03,
2012
Tags interviews, 10thousand hours, practice, expertise, resume, job interview, incompetent menace, interview practice, manager resposibility
Transcript
Boss: Studies show that it takes 10,000 hours of focused practice to become an expert at anything. According to your resume, you've only had enough database experience to be an incompetent menace. Interviewee: How many hours have you practiced doing interviews? Boss: I don't like where this is headed.
Friday October 26,
2012
Tags inventions, robot, telepresence, commute, multitasking, new technology, rough patches, meat bags
Transcript
Asok: Here comes Wally's telepresence robot. Robot: How was your commute, suckers?!!! Ha ha ha ha! I'm multitasking in ways that might surprise you! Dilbert: New technology always has rough patches. Robot: Open that door for me, meat bags!
Monday October 15,
2012
Tags poor persons, rich people, homely, middle class, capitalism
Transcript
CEO: I don't know how to say this delicately so I'll just say it. Looking at your homely, middle-class face makes my skin crawl. Never speak directly to me again. Sometimes I think they don't understand capitalism.
Tuesday October 02,
2012
Tags engineers, wages, hiring engineers, google, million per year, change the world, average engineer pay, money
Transcript
Interviewee: Google offered me a million dollars a year. What's your offer? Boss: Work for us and you can change the world! Interviewee: Change it how? Boss: By lowering the average pay of engineers. Hiring engineers
Monday October 01,
2012
Tags candy, children, engineers, big companies, good engineering, skulk around schoolyards, nerdy loners, offer candy, Family
Transcript
Boss: The big companies are hiring all of the good engineering students as soon as they graduate. We need to start earlier. I want you to skulk around school yards and try to form relationships with kids who are nerdy loners. Offer them candy. Kids love candy. Dilbert: I don't see how this plan could go wrong.
Friday September 28,
2012
Tags despair, prices, social media expert, fee, pay scale, popcorn, meeting, hope left body, business
Transcript
Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert


