Fifty Year Old Comic Strips - Page 60

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607 Results for Fifty Year Old

View 591 - 600 results for fifty year old comic strips. Discover the best "Fifty Year Old" comics from Dilbert.com.

Dogbert Designs Headphones

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Dogbert Designs Headphones - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #design, #business, #headphones, #maximum, #customer, #annoyance, #charging, #port, #guess, #incorrect, #frustration, #fit, #customers, #ship, #user

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dogbert: i've designed these over-ear headphones for maximum customer annoyance. the charging port is only on one side, so the user has a fifty percent chance of guessing wrong. and the charger only fits if you put it right-side up. to increase the frustration, i made the plug look the same on both sides. best of all, the plug is so poorly designed that half the time it doesn't seem to fit, even when you put it in correctly. i made the headphones black, so you can't easily find the charger hole in low light. ninety percent of users will be cursing us every time they try to recharge. customers won't know any of this until after they purchase. boss: ship it.

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Should Have Done It Sooner

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Should Have Done It Sooner - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #dollars, #failure, #managers & supervisors, #patch, #payroll, #problem, #raise, #savings, #software, #technology, #years

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dilbert: i wrote a software patch that will save three million dollars per year. i feel as if i deserve a bonus or a raise. boss: when did you do it? dilbert: this week. boss: how long did we have the problem? dilbert: five years. boss: then you should have fixed it five years ago. looks like a gigantic failure to me. you should be ashamed of yourself. in another room catbert: did you try my strategy for keeping payroll expenses low? boss: works like magic.

Boss Using Phone

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Boss Using Phone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cell phone, #distraction, #managers & supervisors, #sarcasm, #technology, #business, #disrespect, #hear, #face mask

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dilbert: are you listening to me? it looks as if you are using your phone. boss: i can do two things at once. dilbert: i'll bet you can't even hear me, you ridiculous moron. boss: uh-huh uh-huh go on. dilbert: you smell like old socks, and your brain is made of cheese.

Gaslighting The Boss

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Gaslighting The Boss - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #month, #november, #october, #birthday, #family relations, #wife, #gaslight

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boss: what's the name of the month that comes after october? dilbert: november boss: that's what i thought. my wife is trying to gaslight me so she doesn't have to buy me a birthday present. dilbert: how long has she been doing that? boss: i thought i was 26 years old until just now.

Golden Age For Wally

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Golden Age For Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #6 feet, #avoid, #coffee, #eye contact, #face mask, #grocery shopping, #office workers, #social distancing, #upgrade, #Women

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wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.

Bad Qualities Cancel Out

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Bad Qualities Cancel Out - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #business ethics, #managers & supervisors, #qualities, #character, #cancel, #micro-manage, #lazy, #backstabbing, #brave, #lie, #credibility, #believe, #employees, #success, #manager, #random, #sarcasm

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boss: all of my bad qualities see to be canceling each other out. for example, i want to micro-manage my staff, bi=ut i'm too lazy. and i want to do some corporate backstabbing, but i'm not that brave. i enjoy lying, and i'd like to do more of it, but my credibility is so low that no one believes me. i want to mock my employees for their mistakes, but i don't understand enough about what they do to know when they are doing it wrong. i want to take credit for the successes of my employees, but i don't give them enough support to succeed. carol: our set just called. he says he is naming you the manager of the year. boss: he must be deeply uninformed. carol: yes, but he's also lazy, so he pocked you randomly.

Still Get Paid

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Still Get Paid - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #colleagues, #unreliable, #false, #true, #paid, #process, #believe, #sarcasm

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tina: i've been keeping a running list, and it seems that 100% of the things you told me this year have been false. wally: and we both got paid, so what's your point? tina: i...don't know how to process that. wally: i'd tell you, but apparently you wouldn't believe me.

Blaming The Last Manager

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Blaming The Last Manager - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #wrong, #fault, #manager, #inherited, #problem, #excellent, #leadership

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boss: everything that went wrong this year was the fault of the prior manager. i inherited his problems. dilbert: but everything that went right was because of your excellent leadership? boss: no jumping ahead.

General Incompetence

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General Incompetence - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #technology, #project, #success, #expectations, #destroy, #incompetent, #sarcasm

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dilbert: in summary, my project was successful beyond all expectations. Colleague: my relative lack of success this year makes me hate you and want to destroy you. dilbert: what's stopping you? colleague: general incompetence. same thing that killed all of my projects.

Pandemic Vacation Days

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Pandemic Vacation Days - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #sarcasm, #technology, #company policy, #video conference, #vacation day, #vacation, #company rule, #pandemic, #go, #solve, #problem, #laptop

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boss and dilbert on video conference call. boss: human resources is on my back to make sure everyone uses their vacation days this year. it's a company rule. dilbert: what's the point of a vacation if we can't go anywhere because of the pandemic? boss: i'm only trying to solve my own problem here.