Search Results for "project canceled"

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Normals Are Dispensible

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Normals Are Dispensible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2017's comic on:


Tags #superiority, #microchip, #nanotechnology, #brain, #thinking, #superhuman

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Boss: I'm putting Randy on your project. He has a microchip embedded in his brain. So ignore whatever your inferior brain tells you to do and just listen to Randy. Dilbert: Doesn't that make me dispensable? Boss: We'll talk about Phase 2 later.

Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary

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Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 27, 2017's comic on:


Tags #automation, #cyborg, #technology, #work ethic

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Randy: I am using the microchip in my brain to plan the entire project. Okay... done. The rest of you can go back to your cubicles and continue doing nothing. Wally: I spent my entire life getting ready for this sort of future and it's going down easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2017's comic on:


Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #group project

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Boss: I'd like to thank each member of the product team for the successful launch. Dilbert wrote the software. Alice designed the hardware. And Wally... um... Wally: Attended most of the meetings. Boss: That's all you did? Wally: I also played devil's advocate. Dilbert: You didn't say a word during our meetings for seven months. Wally: That's because you were doing everything right. Boss: Did you really do nothing for seven months? Wally: This is one of those "less is more" situations.

Be Creative With Funding

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Be Creative With Funding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #creativity, #funding, #money, #progress, #trick

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Dilbert: I couldn't do any work this week because you forgot to ask for funding for my project. Boss: Stop making excuses. Be creative. Ted: Why do you want to know my project charge code? Dilbert: Just curious.

Ted Complains About Dilbert

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Ted Complains About Dilbert  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 07, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #money, #funding, #creativity, #embezzlement, #fraud

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Boss: Ted is complaining that you charged your expenses to his project. Dilbert: You told me to be creative because you forgot to fund my project. Boss: I wasn't expecting you to do that. Dilbert: That's what makes it creative. I looked it up.

Scavenging For Parts

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Scavenging For Parts - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 09, 2017's comic on:


Tags #friendship, #strategy, #parts, #scavenging, #money, #usury, #budget, #relationships

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Dilbert: My boss forgot to fund my project so I've been scavenging for parts. Robot: You usually don't make conversation with me. I guess this means we're friends now. People.

Dilbert Tries To Get Funding

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Dilbert Tries To Get Funding - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2017's comic on:


Tags #budget, #money, #spending, #projects, #upgrades, #technology, #software, #engineering

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Man: Who are you? Dilbert: I'm an engineer on an unfunded project. I'm attending random meetings to see if I can shake loose some spare budget money. Man: We'll be talking about the mandatory software upgrade. Dilbert: Sounds like a huge waste of money.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 16, 2017's comic on:


Tags #help, #group project, #dependability, #failure, #psychic, #prediction

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Dilbert: I need your feedback on my PowerPoint deck before Tuesday. Man: I'll do that on Monday night. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's a trap! You are notoriously undependable. The odds of you working on a Monday night are terrible. If I don't get your input on time, you will make a fool out of me in the meeting. I'll stay up all night Monday hoping to get your email. But that input will never come. I'll end up doing the presentation on no sleep. Then you will embarrass me during the presentation by pointing out the errors in my slides. Man: For a mind reader, you sure have a terrible life.

Dilbert Might Be Colluding

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Dilbert Might Be Colluding  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2017's comic on:


Tags #collusion, #trump, #russia, #rumor, #conjecture

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CEO: People tell me Dilbert's project is in chaos. Why is that? Boss: Maybe he's been colluding with our Elbonian competitors. But that's just a guess. CEO: I can't unhear that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #boss, #leadership, #power, #influence

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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.