Catbert Comic Strips - Page 61
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Tina: Have you done anything to address my complaints about management? Catbert: I can't tell you about any confidential conversations I have with management. Tina: So... should I just hope for the best? Catbert: That sounds like a solid plan.
Tina: I complained about my boss two months ago. Has Human Resources done anything about it? Catbert: Lots of confidential things are happening behind the scenes. Tina: For example? Catbert: For example, we talked about how much of a whiner you are.
Boss: Every one of my employees is underperforming. What should I do? Catbert: You should fire yourself because you're the only common variable. Boss: I hadn't considered that. Catbert: That's how I know I'm right.
Boss: As you know, our team-building event did not go smoothly. In my defense, I had no way of knowing a class 6 whitewater adventure would be so bumpy. It took me by surprise when Ted fell in. But I'm proud that we came together as a team and agreed to not look for him. It would have ruined our timing for lunch. Anyway, I'm sure Ted swam to safety. Dilbert: Ted doesn't know how to swim. Boss: All in favor of pretending Ted didn't attend the event? Catbert: They didn't have life vests? Boss: You're thinking of the deluxe package.
The Boss: Im worried about DIlberts mental health because his ideas are so bad. Asok: How did you rule out the hypothesis that his ideas are brilliant but you're too dumb to understand them? The Boss: Now Im worried about Asok's mental health too.
The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.
Dilbert: I got millennial fever from talking to a millennial. Now I see my job as a meaningless series of empty tasks. Catbert: What do you expect me to do about that? Dilbert: I was hoping for some praise.
Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Catbert: I've heard from multiple sources that you deleted Alice's files on the server. Dilbert: Your multiple sources all heard it from Alice. That is only one source. Catbert: He didn't deny it. Narrator: Continued...
Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.