Two Weeks Vaction Comic Strips - Page 61
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635 Results for Two Weeks Vaction
View 601 - 610 results for two weeks vaction comic strips. Discover the best "Two Weeks Vaction" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 12,
2019
Tags bugs, business, fire, office, office workers, quit, system
Transcript
ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday June 06,
2019
Doctor Appointment
Tags business, doctor, office, office workers, medical advice, essential oil, attitude, kava
Transcript
carol: i have a doctor's appointment today. the boss: doctor? bah! the boss: all you need are some essential oils and a supplement or two. carol: has anyone ever survived your medical advice? the boss: some kava could fix your attitude problem.
Sunday June 16,
2019
Tags business, office, rules, quotes, chaos, purchasing
Transcript
purchasing manager: i can't approve this purchase without three vendor quotes. dilbert: only two companies in the world make this sort of product. purchasing manager: if i bend the rules for you, everyone will want me to bend the rules. dilbert: maybe you could only bend the rules when it makes complete sense to do so. purchasing manager: that would be chaos. Purchasing manager: everyone thinks they have a good reason to bend the rules. dilbert: is the real problem here that you were bullied in school, and you use this job for some sort of sick revenge. purchasing manager: now you need four vendor quotes.
Sunday July 21,
2019
Hallucinations At Meetings
Tags business, office, office workers, server, hallucinate, network
Transcript
in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.
Sunday August 04,
2019
Circular Debating
Tags argument, debates, frustration, moon, conspiracy
Transcript
Wally: Thanks to my new circular debating technique. I haven't lost a debate in weeks. Watch this. The moon landing was a hoax. Man: No, it wasn't. Wally: The flag was moving in the wind. Man: I'll send you a link debunking the flag thing. Wally: Okay, but how do you explain the multiple light sources? Man: Here's another link debunking that claim. Fifteen minutes later Man: I have now debunked all ten of your ridiculous claims will you agree the moon landing was real? Wally: How do you explain the flag moving? Man: Gaaaa!!! I give up!! You win!!!
Wednesday October 16,
2019
Slippery Slope
Tags business, managers & supervisors, slippery, slope, approval, database, cosmetic, surgery, insult
Transcript
dilbert: can i take this database class? boss: no, that's a slippery slope. if i approve that class, next you will demand i pay for cosmetic surgery. dilbert: do i look like i need it? boss: only in two places - your face and your body
Friday November 01,
2019
Two Places At Once
Tags managers & supervisors, business, meeting, time, states, impossible
Transcript
dilbert: you committed me to two different meetings at the same time in different states. it is not possible to be in two places at the same time wally: pfft! i could do it boss: even wally could do it
Monday November 25,
2019
Reporting To Two Managers
Tags managers & supervisors, reporting, vp of sales, project, business, hate
Transcript
boss: dilbert, you'll be reporting to the vp of sales for the new project. you will also be reporting to me as usual. dilbert: congratulations on making me hate my job more than ever. boss: and you said it couldn't be done.
Sunday December 01,
2019
Dilbert Murders Robots
Tags office workers, business, robot, technology, human resources, bad behavior, reboot, murder, plot, erase
Transcript
dilbert: last week i upgraded our robot's social awareness module. it immediately reported me to human resources for unspecified bad behavior. so i murdered the robot by erasing its memory and rebooting it. but another robot told it what happened, and then both of them plotted to kill me. so i erased the memory from both robots and then rebooted them. but a third robot found out about the first two, and now the entire robot community sees me as a serial killer. so i released a computer virus to kill every robot in the world, just to play it safe. wally: what happened to the lights? dilbert: uh-oh. i missed one.
Saturday December 07,
2019
Consider Polyamory
Tags psychology, relationships, office work, polyamory, girl friend, progress, business
Transcript
alice: have you ever considered trying polyamory? instead of not having one girl-friend, you could not have two. dilbert: that would feel like progress. alice: you're welcome.