How To Comic Strips - Page 61

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for How To

View 601 - 610 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, obstinacy, test data, email, meaningless speech, talk

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Can you email the test data to me? Coworker: We don't do it that way. Dilbert: That's not a reason. Coworker: I never give reasons. Dilbert: Nothing you say means anything! Coworker: That's how we've always done it.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags honesty, joking, paperback, spend free time, fan of clutter

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: It was a great book. I'll loan you the paperback. Dilbert: Thanks. I love it when other people decide how I'll spend my free time. Coworker: I can't tell when you're kidding. Dilbert: Paperbacks are awesome. I'm a big fan of clutter.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, interviews, career goals, 80 hours a week, below - market, compensation

View Transcript

Transcript

Job interview Interviewee: But enough about me. How can I help you achieve your career goals? Boss: You could work 80 hours a week for below-market compensation. Interviewee: I did not see that coming. Boss: Good. I need employees who can't see it coming. You're hired.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, work ethic, such back, due dates, lazy, incompetent, busy, root cause

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: I need to give you some push-back on these due dates. Dilbert: No problem. Should I tell the others you're lazy, or incompetent, or in over your head? Coworker: How about just "busy?" Dilbert: Okay. I will insist that people ignore the root cause.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags amphibians, honesty, inefficient, design, aquarium owner, turtle, filtration system

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: This design would be inefficient. Coworker: How do you know that? Dilbert: Sometimes it's better if the aquarium owner doesn't explain to the turtle how the filtration system works.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, work ethic, low priority tasks, rational being, reward, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You keep spending time on low-priority tasks. Dilbert: That's because I'm a rational being. I only work on tasks that are likely to give me some sort of reward. Boss: I don't know how to deal with that. Dilbert: Have you tried managing?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, input, something came up

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: Can I get your input by Friday? Wally: Absolutely, unless something comes up. Coworker: How often does something come up? Wally: More than you'd think. Coworker: What exactly are we talking about? Wally: I'd love to chat, but something just came up.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, money, raise, higher pay, income higher, boss salary, intuition, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers & peripherals, data werewolves, elbonian hackers, entrails, linkedin, passwords, servers, supernatural beings, usernames

View Transcript

Transcript

Mordac: Elbonian hackers stole a million usernames and passwords from our servers. So I send an army of data werewolves to track down the perpetrators and eat their entrails. Boss: How did you find an army of data werewolves? Mordac: LinkedIn

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, positive feedback, negative feedback, motivates, givernment, rectangular, paper

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How do you feel when I give you positive feedback? Alice: Underpaid. Boss: How do you feel when I give you negative feedback? Alice: Underappreciated. Boss: Then what motivates you? Alice: The government makes rectangular pieces of paper.