Dogbert Comic Strips - Page 61

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags ratbert, Dogbert, potato, rat, yam, pillow, explain

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Dogbert sits on his pillow. Ratbert asks, "How can I be sure I'm a rat?" Ratbert continues, "What if I'm really something else - like a potato - and I just think I'm a rat?" Ratbert says, "I think, therefore I'm a yam." Dogbert replies, "It would explain a lot."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, athlete, multimillion, contract, banned, Sports, drugs, motivational, speaker, motivated, illiterate

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Dogbert sits on a park bench with a large man. The man says, "I never learned to read, but it didn't matter because I was a great athlete." The man continues, "Then came the multi-million dollar contract, which I spent on drugs. Eventually I was banned from sports. I quit drugs because I couldn't afford it." The man says, "Now I'm a motivational speaker." Dogbert asks, "Have you motivated anybody to become illiterate yet?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, school, system, failure, park bench, preparing, scientist, engineers, economy, instead, janitors, maids

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Dogbert sits on a park bench with a woman and a little boy. The woman says, "Our school system is a complete failure, Dogbert." Dogbert asks, "Why's that?" The woman replies, "The schools should be preparing these kids to be scientists and engineers. That's the only way our economy will prosper." The woman continues, "Instead, we'll be a nation of maids and janitors." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, but think how clean it will be."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, park bench, noriko, classes, lives, television, channels

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Dogbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko says, "I can't wait to grow up and get out of school." Dogbert says, "Actually, Noriko, your generation will have to take classes and work full-time your whole lives . . . Assuming any jobs exist." Dogbert continues, "But on the plus side, television will have a thousand channels." Noriko yells, "That's it; somebody's got some explaining to do!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, Dilbert, noriko, plaent, account, ability, contract

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Dogbert, Dilbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko yells at Dilbert, "You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!" Noriko continues, "You know our implied social contract! You take care of the kids, then we take care of you when you're old. That's how it's supposed to work." Dilbert says, "Well, I . . ." Noriko yells, "The deal is OFF!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, noriko, bob, dinosaur, extinct, couch, house, credenza, belmonts, crazy glue, drawer

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Dogbert says, "Noriko, I'd like you to meet Bob the Dinosaur." Noriko and Bob say "Hi" to each other. Noriko says, "I thought dinosaurs were all extinct." Dogbert replies, "No, they were just hiding. We found Bob behind the couch." Noriko says, "I wish we had one at our house." Bob says, "Look in your credenza. The Belmonts live in the 'Krazy Glue' drawer."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags noriko, Dogbert, bob, planet, generation, black, belt, karate, party, menacing, expressions, faces

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Dogbert says to Noriko, "Take Bob with you, Noriko. You'll need help saving the planet for your generation." Noriko and Bob the Dinosaur walk down the sidewalk. Noriko says, "I have a black belt in karate. What skills do you bring to the party?" Bob replies, "Wedgies, mostly." Bob picks a man up by his underwear and explains, "It's not as menacing as karate, but you have to love the expressions on their faces." Noriko says, "Turn him this way."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, broadcast, message, computer, geeks, declare, leader, empire, virtiual, electronic, venod, exploiting, leadership, tradition

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair and types on the computer, "This is Dogbert, with a broadcast e-mail message to all computer geeks . . ." A man reads Dogbert's message on his computer. The message says, "I declare myself to be your leader, and I name my empire the 'Virtual Electronic Nation of Dogbert,' Venod for short." Dilbert looks over Dogbert's shoulder and says, "I assume you'll be exploiting the simple people of Venod for personal gain." Dogbert replies, "Yeah, it's a leadership tradition."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, Dogbert, electronic, world, poll, collective, economic, majority, selfish, ambitions, democratic, system

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Dogbert stands on a desk chair working on the computer. Dilbert says, "Now that you've united the electronic mail users of the world, what are you going to do?" Dogbert replies, "I'll poll them about their needs, then use their collective political and economic power to get them whatever the majority wants." Dilbert asks, "Couldn't you easily rig the vote to support your own selfish ambitions?" Dogbert says, "I love the democratic system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, collective, nerd, demand, discounts, wireless, e-mail, products, daughter, phone, Number

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Dogbert sits across from a man's desk and says, "I am Dogbert, leader of Venod - a huge collective of nerds. We demand twenty percent discounts on all of your products." Dogbert continues, "If you refuse, I will send a wireless e-mail message that instructs one million nerds to stop buying your products." The executive asks, "You're kidding, right?" Dogbert says, "There - I just sent them your daughter's phone number."