Job Comic Strips - Page 61

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

936 Results for Job

View 601 - 610 results for job comic strips. Discover the best "Job" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, team members, work, motivation, make waves

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I can't get one of my team members to do any work. I'm hoping you can talk to his boss. Boss: I don't want to make waves. Dilbert: It's your job to make waves! They pay you to make waves, you worthless pile of stupidity! Oops. Wally: I heard you made waves. How'd that work out? Dilbert: Surprisingly bad.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger, angry, hateful creature, hope, interviews, job interview, managers & supervisors, monster, optimisim, smile, toxic work place, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: You remind me of another young person I hired years ago. She was full of hope and optimism and she wore a permanent smile. Her name was Alice. As time passed, she devolved into an angry, hateful creature. No one knows what caused it. Interviewee: How long did it take? Boss: About a week. Interviewee: Apparently, you're a monster who creates a toxic workplace and you lack the self-awareness to realize it! Boss: Someone broke your record. Alice: Shut up.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, managers & supervisors, devote energy, projects, setting priorities, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: And I need it by next week. Dilbert: I will devote 3.7% of my energy to it. I can give you more if you do your job of setting priorities for my 27 projects. Boss: Can't you set the priorities? Dilbert: Sure. This one just went to 1.7%.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, fired, programming code, undocumented, passwords, death spiral, huge raise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Wally, you have accomplished none of your goals. I have to let you go. Wally: Actually, I accomplished a lot. I spent the past ten years creating a tangle of undocumented programming code. Every one of our major systems is linked to it. If I don't enter a password every day, the entire company will go into a technology death spiral. If you value your job, you'll give me a huge raise and dance on this table like a monkey!!! Boss: Let's call it a tie. Wally: Yeah, I'm good with that.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, maintenance plan, managers & supervisors, over budget, take chances, business

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Should we buy the maintenance plan or just take our chances? What do you prefer? Boss: I prefer to punish you for buying the maintenance plan and going over budget, but I also don't mind firing you for not buying it if we later need it. Which one of us has a better job?

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineering experince, job interview, no friends, social influence, social media score

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss; Your engineering looks great, but your social media score is nearly zero. You have no friends , no followers, and no social influence whatsoever. Man: because I four on my work! The Boss: No, Im pretty sure you're dead.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cruelty, monsters, taxes, sadistic monster, income tax code, complicated, regressive tax codes, like minds

View Transcript

Transcript

Monster: The best part of being a sadistic monster is that my job is to write the income tax code. Look how complicated I made it. Hee hee! Dogbert: You do good work, Stanky. Monster: But is it regressive enough? Dogbert: It's like we share a brain because you keep saying what I'm thinking.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags job interview, fat and lazy, safe working, thrive on abuse, complain, remove tongue, begging, desparate

View Transcript

Transcript

Albanian: If you hire me, I will do all the jobs that the people born in this country are too fat and lazy to do. I don't require a safe working environment, and I thrive on abuse! The Boss: Do you complain much?" Albanian: I'll remove my own tongue and give it to you in a pickle jar for boss's day.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags identify systems, inefficient, new standards, passive aggressive, freelancer

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: That thing is called a "boss." His job is to identify systems that are inefficient and make them our new standards. The Boss: I do way more than that. Alice: Don't look directly at it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags server, project, virtualization, rates, online, trouble ticket, scam, inside job

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: The server virtualization project is done, and there are no trouble tickets. My rates might seem steep, but remember, there are no trouble tickets. Dilbert: Our online trouble ticket system is broken."