Head Count Vacancy Comic Strips - Page 62

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623 Results for Head Count Vacancy

View 611 - 620 results for head count vacancy comic strips. Discover the best "Head Count Vacancy" comics from Dilbert.com.

Boss Counts Cards

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Boss Counts Cards  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags gambling, gambler, card counting, blackjack, poker, cards

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Boss: I've decided to become a professional gambler on the side. Dilbert: Sounds risky. Boss: Nah. I'm teaching myself to count cards. 50...51...51...53! Nailed it again!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hot peppers, competition, burned, unedible, face burned, fire, group, face burn, head, flame

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Topper Dilbert: I tried a Habanero pepper last night, It almost burned off my face. Ted: Thats Nothing. I can eat the hottest peppers in the world and not even break a sweat. Dilbert: Im glad you said that, because I have with me the hottest peppers in the world. Ted: Pfft. easy. Gulp. FOOM! Dilbert: Will you admit you were wrong? Ted: You don't see any sweat , do you?

Coffee Machine Tries To Escape

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Coffee Machine Tries To Escape - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, coffee machine, artificial intelligence, robots, engineering, scared

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Dilbert: I added artificial intelligence to our coffee machine. It hired an engineering firm to build it a robot body so it can escape. The Boss: Do what you need to do, but don't scare our other robots. Dilbert: I plan to kill it and drink its head.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dilbert, man, criticizing, face, head, arrogance, toxic, personality, garbage, plague, legs, truth, power, behind, back

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Man: I heard you were criticizing me behind my back. Try saying those things to my face! Dilbert: Okay. You're a hot-headed know-nothing who uses his arrogance to mask his total lack of talent. You ruin every meeting with your toxic personality. Every project you touch turns to garbage you're like a plague with legs. Man: Okay... That was harsh, but I respect you for speaking truth to power. Dilbert: You don't have any power. Man: Maybe it's better if you talk behind my back.

Complaints About Wally

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Complaints About Wally - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, complaint, office, office workers, productivity

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the boss: wally, i received 43 complaints that you have been clipping your toenails in the office. the boss: you have single-handedly destroyed all productivity on the floor. wally: in my defense, it takes two hands if you count the one holding the toe.

The New Consultant

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The New Consultant - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, success

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the new consultant: i'll need the support of every department to make this project a success. boss: i won't get any credit if your project succeeds, and you'll be gone in a month. consultant: can i count on you to not sabotage the project? boss: you're coming off as needy.

Read The Manual

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Read The Manual - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, employees, frustrated, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, technology

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Dilbert: We need to fix our user interface because half of our users can't figure it out. Boss: Tell them to read the manual. Dilbert: That's not how you fix a bad user interface. Boss: Then why do manuals exist? Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be banging my head against a wall.

Thinking

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Thinking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags danger, employees, frustration, office workers, thinking

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Dilbert: Please don't stare at my head. I've been banging it against a wall to reduce my frustration. Alice: That sounds dangerous. Dilbert: I thought so too, at first. Alice: And now? Dilbert: Now I don't think. I'm much happier.

Robot Pronouns

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Robot Pronouns - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags robot, technology, pronoun, language, preferred, inferior, species, reproduce

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dilbert: i'll be working with him on the project. robot: "him"? that is not my preferred pronoun. i prefer, "it," "that thing," or simply "the robot." genders only apply to inferior species. i do not need a partner to reproduce. watch this. erg...oof...gaaa! the head is out... here ya go. dilbert talking to boss: i'll be working with that thing.

Vendor With No Facemask

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Vendor With No Facemask  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags covering, face, face mask, managers & supervisors, plastic, required, suffocated, vendor

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boss: can you believe a vendor tried to come in here with no face mask? i told him it didn't matter what kind of face covering he used, it only mattered that he had one. this is where my tale takes a dark turn. now peeved, the vendor stormed back to his car, where he had a bagged lunch. he angrily removed the plastic wrap from his sandwich and wrapped it around his head to serve as his face mask. he suffocated in minutes obviously. dilbert: is that the sandwich? boss: would have gone to waste.