How To Comic Strips - Page 62
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1000 Results for How To
View 611 - 620 results for how-to comic strips. Discover the best "How To" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 17,
2012
Tags banking, international bank, bail out, treasury, feral, money, countries
Transcript
Elbonian: Is this Dogbert's International Bank for Bailing Out Countries That Are Bad at Math? Dogbert: Yes. Elbonian: Our treasury is empty and we're not sure why. The entire country is becoming sort of feral. Dogbert: How much money do you need? Elbonian: No more than $85.
Tuesday August 14,
2012
Tags air bubbles, buffer overflow, ignorance (knowledge), interview question, interviews
Transcript
Interview question Boss: How would you diagnose a buffer overflow problem? Interviewee: I'd put the circuit board in a bucket of water and look for air bubbles. Boss: That sounds right. Interviewee: I just diagnosed a problem with your interview question.
Friday August 03,
2012
Tags managers & supervisors, work all night, inspiring employees, clearly defined roles, business
Transcript
Boss: We'll finish this project even if we have to work all night! Well, I just did my job of inspiring you, so I might as well go home. How do you like our clearly defined roles now?
Saturday July 28,
2012
Tags gadgets, siri, server outage, deploying air bag, tailbone, vestigal, bluetooth
Transcript
Dilbert: Siri, how can I avoid blame for our server outage? Siri: Deploying coccyx air bag. Wally: So your tailbone isn't vestigial? Dilbert: Nope. And apparently it has bluetooth.
Thursday July 26,
2012
Tags database analyst, tech writer, database anaylst, ignorance with certainty
Transcript
Boss: Tina, our database analyst quit, so I need you to take over that job. Tina: I'm curious... how long do you think it takes to train a tech writer to be a database analyst? Boss: Forty-five minutes. Tina: I like how you punctuate ignorance with certainty.
Wednesday July 25,
2012
Tags writers, product descirption, 26 oclock, fleemsday, group writing, real
Transcript
Tina: Can we schedule a time to write the product description together? Dilbert: Sure. How about 26 o'clock next Fleemsday? Tina: That's not a real time. Dilbert: It's as real as the productivity of group writing.
Friday July 20,
2012
Tags competitors, gadgets, motorcycle, smartphone, threat, worlds greatest
Transcript
Dilbert: I've created the world's greatest smartphone. Boss: Wow. This is so amazing that I'll need to kill you so our competitors never learn how to imitate it. Dilbert: Or you could give me a huge bonus. Boss: Okay, sure. I'll have a guy on a motorcycle attach it to your car.
Thursday July 19,
2012
Tags meetings, discuss project, civility is dead, invited to meeting, office
Transcript
Coworker: What's a good time to get together and discuss my project? Dilbert: Never. Every interaction I've had with you has been a waste of time. I have no reason to think it will be different in the future. Coworker: Sheesh! How did civility die? Dilbert: Maybe you invited it to a meeting.
Monday July 16,
2012
Tags flip house, foreclosed, mold, red flags, residential buildings, squatters, urine
Transcript
Boss: I bought a foreclosed house for $500. I plan to flip it for profit. Dilbert: Did the disclosures have any red flags? Boss: They claim there's a lot of mold and enexploded ordnance. But I don't see how either of those things could have survived the urine from the crack squatters.
Thursday July 12,
2012
Tags 10 million, cloud start up, social media, venture capital, location based, flattering, investment, technology
Transcript
Venture Capital Dogbert: I need $100,000 for my location-based, social media, could start-up. Coworker: I'm not giving you $100,000 just because you spewed some buzz-words. Dogbert: The how about $10 million? Coworker: Wait... now it sounds like a good investment. How did you do that? Dogbert: I can tell you, but it won't be flattering.

