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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Dogbert, lord, master, worthless cretin, telemarketing, voice mail

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Dogbert and Dilbert sit on the couch. Dogbert dials a number on the telephone. Dogbert says, "I am Dogbert, your lord and master! Submit to my will, you worthless cretin!" Dilbert uses the remote control to change the TV channel. Dilbert asks, "Does telemarketing work for that sort of thing?" Dogbert replies, "You'll know tomorrow; that was your voice mail."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags good idea, nurture passion, rebellious employees, sarcastic employees, startegies, wearing culottes

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The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Alice sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "From now on, we'll nurture the passion of our rebellious employees and form strategies around them." Wally says, "We don't have any rebellious employees. The last one got fired for wearing culottes on casual day." The Boss says, "It was such a good idea in my head." Wally says, "We still have some sarcastic employees. Can you work with that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags alice, bonus, capitalism, flawed premise, less work, wally bonus, worked less, implications staggering, frightening bonus

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Alice, Wally and Dilbert sit at a table. Alice says, "I did less work than usual this quarter and I got a bonus." Alice says, "The implications are staggering. The entire system of capitalism has a flawed premise." Alice says, "There's only ONE thing that could make this bonus more frightening." Wally says, "I got one, too."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags no on fired, occasional beating, statistical clustering, suicides, voting the customer, buying product

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Dilbert and Kenny sit at a conference table. Kenny tells a customer, "No one has ever been fired for buying our product!" Dilbert adds, "That's true." Dilbert says, "There IS the occasional savage beating . . . and more than our share of suicides . . ." Kenny looks angry. Dilbert continues, "But that has 'statistical clustering' written all over it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags brought dilbert, competitors product, cover cost, cup of coffee, makes product special, visiting the customer, deceptive advertising

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Kenny and Dilbert sit at a conference table with a customer. Kenny tells the man, "I brought Dilbert to explain what makes our product special." Dilbert says, "It's exactly like our competitor's product except we charge more to cover the cost of our deceptive advertising." The man gets up and leaves the room. Dilbert says, "While you're up, could you get me a cup of coffee?" Kenny looks angry.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags clean cubicle award, matthew, traveler check, 10 dollars, downsized, shredded documents, motivational impact

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The Boss stands at the front of the room and says, "I'm happy to award the 'clean cubicle award' to Matthew." The Boss continues, "It's a ten-dollar 'travelers check.' Where's Matthew?" Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "He was cruelly downsized last month." Alice says, "His cubicle was clean because he shredded his important documents out of spite." Wally says, "All of his furniture and equipment were scavenged by bitter employees who have to do his work now." The Boss says, "This is not having the motivational impact I had hoped for." The Boss says, "Okay . . . The 'travelers check' will go to whoever knows what number I'm thinking." The Boss sits at a table in a restaurant. He hands the check to the waitress and thinks, "They sure were sore losers."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags guiding prciples, network architecture, obvious ideas, techno jargon, unclear writing, suspenders, muddles thinking

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Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table with man who has a beard and is wearing suspenders. The man says, "I put together some guiding principles for our network architecture." Alice says, "I sure hope this isn't a bunch of obvious ideas disguised with techno-jargon and unclear writing." Dilbert whispers, "Let the games begin." Alice says to the man, "So tell me, do suspenders cause muddled thinking or is it the other way around?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cloud of doom, overlook, lighting strikes, meeting, business

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Asok, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "I need everyone's help on this project. I hope you can overlook the cloud of doom that hovers nearby." The cloud floats over their heads. A bolt of lightning from the cloud strikes Wally in the head. Wally falls over in his chair. Dilbert says, "Wow. It's lucky that wasn't someone we like." Asok looks frightened as the cloud heads toward him.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags discouraged, pointy haired boss, pep talk, dead end job, grinding away, high blood pressure, stock options, doctor kevorkian

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Asok, Alice, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. Asok says, "Lately I've been feeling discouraged about my job." Alice says, "You should talk to our pointy-haired boss." Wally says, "That'll cheer you up." Asok says, "Maybe you're right. All I need is a little pep talk from our leader." He leaves the room. Alice, Dilbert and Wally laugh. Asok sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "You think YOU're discouraged . . ." The Boss continues, "I've been stuck in this dead-end job for years, grinding away, day after day." The Boss continues, "And all I have to show for it is high blood pressure and worthless stock options." Asok looks frightened. Dilbert and Wally stand behind Asok's desk. Dilbert says, "It's so gratifying to watch them grow up." Asok says into the telephone, "I need the number for Doctor Kevorkian."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags labor saving software, no labor, dead office, nothing on screen, computer software, Wally, Dilbert

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Dilbert stands behind Wally's desk. Wally says, "I wrote this labor-saving software. Watch it do its thing." Dilbert and Wally watch the computer screen. Dilbert asks, "Who can you tell if it's working?" Wally replies, "You don't see any labor happening around here, do you?"