Average Employees Slaary Comic Strips - Page 62

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View 611 - 620 results for average employees slaary comic strips. Discover the best "Average Employees Slaary" comics from Dilbert.com.

No Talk About Morale

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No Talk About Morale - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, employees, managers & supervisors, sarcasm, morale, talk, engagement, workplace, culture, happy, question, covid, pandemic

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dilbert and boss wearing face masks. dilbert: i've noticed that we used to talk about employee morale... but now we talk about "engagement" and "workplace culture." why is that? boss: we found out it doesn't matter if you are happy. dilbert: remind me to never ask another question.

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Reasonable Doubt

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Reasonable Doubt - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers & supervisors, office workers, employees, health, leader, coronavirus, indoor, face mask, kill, doubt, sarcasm

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Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.

Critics Not Intelligent

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Critics Not Intelligent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, office workers, employees, smart, critics, agreement, face mask

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alice: i've noticed that none of my critics are intelligent. smart people always seem to agree with me. dilbert: what makes you think they are smart? alice: because they agree with me. i have to give you a maskless "duh" for that. alice pulls off face mask: duh!

Robots Will Sneak Up On Us

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Robots Will Sneak Up On Us - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags argue, business, employees, enginners, managers & supervisors, replace, robots, technology, train

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boss: we aren't yet ready to replace engineers with robots, but that day will sneak up on us. so i'd like all of you to train a robot to do your jobs, just so we are ready. dilbert: you want us to train our own replacements? boss thinking: this is another thing a robot would not argue about.

Lazy People Are Efficient

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Lazy People Are Efficient - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, technology, efficient, projects, lazy, assignments, useful

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wally: they say the laziest employees are the best because they know how to be efficient. i don't think i get enough credit for all of my efficiency. boss: efficiency only matters if you are doing something useful. wally: you're the one who gives me my assignments. boss: i don't ask you to do anything useful because you are too lazy. wally: are the useful projects generally harder that the useless ones? boss: yes. wally: then i'd say the system is working.

Teamwork But

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Teamwork But - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags technology, business, teamwork, limit, competition, salary, funds, battle, meeting, thinking, sarcasm

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boss: the key to success is teamwork. dilbert: then why does our compensation system pit employees against each other to battle for limited funds salary funds? boss: this meeting will go a lot smoother if you stop doing whatever you're doing right now. dilbert: i call it "thinking."

Taking Time Off

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Taking Time Off - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, technology, video call, vacation, paid time off, critical, essential, system, migration, kidding, success, zoom, call, valuable, asset, engagement

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boss and dilbert on video call. dilbert: is it okay if i take next week off? boss: are you kidding? we're in the most critical month of the system migration. you're essential to our succcess. all hands must be on deck. dilbert: really? it seems as if all i do is listen to other people say useless stuff on zoom calls. boss: my goodness, no! employees are our most valuable asset! we can't succeed unless we have 100% employee engagement. dilbert: i took all of last week off for vacation, and no one noticed. boss: next time, start with that.

Must Register To Date

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Must Register To Date - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, love & dating, managers & supervisors, company policy, human resources, new, dating, register, link, details, laptop

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boss on video call. boss: our new policy is that employees cannot date each other unless they register with human resources. this won't have much impact on my department because most of you are completely undatable. voice from laptop: ouch. boss: there's a link for details, but you won't need it.

Loser Detector

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Loser Detector - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, managers & supervisors, invention, losers, accurate, detection, pings, backwards, sarcasm

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in meeting room. dogbert: i invented a device that can detect losers. boss: how do i know if it's accurate? dogbert: point it at a know loser and see if it pings. boss pointing it at employees: boss: hey! it knows ted is a loser! ha ha ha!!! it says dilbert and alice are losers too! and carol and wally too! ha ha ha!!! this thing is totally accurate! dogbert: you're holding it backward. boss: how exactly does it detect losers? dogbert: they're the ones who hold it backward.

Elbonian Hackers Attack

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Elbonian Hackers Attack - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, elbonian, hackers, attack, stole, database, ranking, employee, haircuts, sarcasm

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dilbert: elbonian hackers stole our employee performance ranking database, and now they demand a ransom payment to give it back. boss: they can keep it. we've been ranking employees solely on their haircuts for years, and no one has complained yet. dilbert: what? boss walking away: we will speak of this no more.