Business Comic Strips - Page 62

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View 611 - 620 results for business comic strips. Discover the best "Business" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, interviews, career goals, 80 hours a week, below - market, compensation

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Job interview Interviewee: But enough about me. How can I help you achieve your career goals? Boss: You could work 80 hours a week for below-market compensation. Interviewee: I did not see that coming. Boss: Good. I need employees who can't see it coming. You're hired.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, managers & supervisors, money, raise, higher pay, income higher, boss salary, intuition, business

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Boss: I can't give you the raise you deserve because it would make your pay higher than mine. Alice: I don't see how that's a problem. Boss: Let me explain it to you this way, Alice. If you make more money than I do your compensation would be greater than mine. Alice: That's not a reason, you ignorant baboon! Boss: Okay, how about... I must be smarter than you because my income is higher. Alice: Gaaa!!! Boss: When I don't have reasons for things, is that called intuition or just common sense?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despair, prices, social media expert, fee, pay scale, popcorn, meeting, hope left body, business

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Dilbert: I assume we pay you based on how much you increase our social media hits. Consultant: No. My fee is whatever I think you're dumb enough to pay for ambiguous outcomes. Dilbert: Either hope just left my body or the popcorn is getting chatty. Social media expert

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, executives, poor persons, ceo morality test, new tech, fracking, grinding porr people, high pressure, shale

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Dogbert: Imagine I invented a new technology for fracking. It involves grinding poor people into a slurry and pumping it into shale at high pressure. Do you see any problems with that? CEO: Not enough shale! CEO Morality Test

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags suspicion, decisons, office, options, blame later, evil, record on phone. boss, work

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Dilbert: I need a decision of this by end of business today. Boss: Which option do you recommend? Dilbert: Nice try, but I'm not falling for it. You're trying to set me up to take the blame later. I want to hear you make a decision, and I'm going to record it on my phone so you don't later deny it. Talk, you evil monster! Talk! All I know for sure is that the other approach wasn't going to work either.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employees, executives, managers & supervisors, engineers, middleman, worse case scenario, business

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CEO: One of your engineers came to me with a suggestion. Boss: Gasp! CEO: The only reason I have middle managers is so this never happens. Dilbert: Hey, buddy. What are we talking about? CEO: Gaaa!!! Worst case scenario!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, wages, saved company millions, no bonus, ceo plans, 500 million, acquisitions, go team, money

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Boss: Alice, your great work this year saved the company $10 million. But I can't give you a bonus because our CEO plans to write down $500 million for acquisitions gone bad. Go team!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business ethics, consumer protection, court ordered, good defense, internal emails, known to be dangerous

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Lawyer: The court ordered us to turn over all of our internal emails. Have you ever mentioned in email that our products are known to be dangerous but we don't care? CEO: I don't even know what products we make. Lawyer: That's a good defense. We might need that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business failures/bankruptcies, executives, wages, long tern survival, innovate ways, cannibalize, current prodcuts, lose a fortune, ceo's compensation, revenue dips, hovel, some ideas, money

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Dilbert: Our only hope for long-term survival is to innovate in ways that cannibalize our current products. The downside is that you'll lose a fortune in CEO compensation when our revenue dips in the short run. CEO: Thanks. I'll stop by your hovel later with some ideas for ruining your life, too.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags frustration, managers & supervisors, performance review, perfromance review, 9 months late, business

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Boss: I finished your performance review. Alice: Terrific. It's nine months late and all you did was sign what I wrote. Boss: I think I also read it, but I'm not 100% positive.