New Employee Comic Strips - Page 62
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 611 - 620 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Thursday April 16,
2015
Wally Uses Tropy For Credibility
Tags trophy, labels, credibility, employee of the year, awards, award, deception
Transcript
Wall: I use my "Employee of the Year" trophy for my coffee now because it gives me instant credibility. Dilbert: I don't see how. Wally: People are not deep. Man: That's the dumbest thing anyone's ever... oh, sorry. Didn't see your trophy.
Friday April 17,
2015
Wally Drinks Deeply From His Trophy
Sunday August 09,
2015
Tags employee, Advice, health, wellness, money, cost, work ethic, fatigue, Family, marriage, support, insult, relationships
Transcript
Dilbert: The long hours of work are taking a toll on my body. Can I take some time off for my health? Boss; That would defeat the whole point of being an employee. You are supposed to be trading your health and happiness for money. Then you give that money to your family and watch them spend it while you eat yourself to death. It's a circle of life sort of thing. Dilbert: I'm not married. Boss: Loser.
Thursday August 27,
2015
Nano Robots Are The New Health Plan
Tags technology, robots, invention, health, big business, corporation, nanobot
Transcript
CEO: We're replacing the employee health plan with nanorobot technology. We'll insert tiny medical robots into their lower digestive tracts to keep them healthy forever. Boss: So, our plan is to shove robots up... CEO: Only until the robots can replace them.
Monday February 08,
2016
Employee Hat With Sensors
Tags mind control, thoughts, police, policing, work ethic, leisure, daydreaming, control, surveillance, legal
Transcript
Boss: The sensors in your employee hat tell me you are not having work-related thoughts. I have to dock your pay for all of that leisure time you try to sneak into your workday. Here's a screen shot of what you've been thinking. Dilbert: I'm going to remember this as a bad day.
Wednesday February 10,
2016
New Company Mascot
Tags hunchback, posture, transformation, health, body
Transcript
Catbert: I hear you're undergoing an identity transition. Dilbert: No, I just have bad posture from looking at a screen all day. I'm not literally turning into Quasimodo. Catbert: That's too bad, because we need a new mascot for the company and you would be perfect.
Friday May 06,
2016
The Entitled Employee
Tags millennials, entitlement, entitiled, lazy, work ethic
Transcript
The Entitled Employee. Dilbert: Did you finish your assignment for the project? Coworker: No, I was tired, and it looked hard. I assume someone does the hard stuff for me. Am I wrong? Dilbert: I need to have a word with your parents.
Saturday May 07,
2016
Entitled Employee Buys A Car
Tags entitled, entitlement, millennials, work ethic, lazy, consumerism
Transcript
The Entitled Employee. Man: I need a raise because I bought a luxury car. Boss: Your pay is based on your performance, not your personal expenses. Man: You leave me no choice but to keep the car and not pay for it. Boss: Tell them you deserve it.
Thursday May 26,
2016
Wally Gets Referral Money
Tags bonus, con, deception, hiring, money, referral, scheme, guest artist, jake tapper
Transcript
Wally: Stop! Why are you here? Man: I have an interview for a job as an engineer. Wally: My name is Wally. Tell Human Resources I referred you ad I'll get a $1,000 bonus. Boss: Have you noticed that all of our new hires were referred by the same person? Catbert: Sounds like we found our Employee Of The Year!
Monday October 17,
2016
New Website Developer
Tags web, internet, site, development, code, time, deadline, coding, technology
Transcript
Boss: Our website developer quit one week before the site was scheduled to be finished. But I hired a new one so we can finish on time. Dilbert: Apparently, you have never met a website developer before. Boss: So, you will be done in about a week, right? Developer: It will take me a month just to throw away the last guy's code.

