Avoid Work Comic Strips - Page 63

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for Avoid Work

View 621 - 630 results for avoid work comic strips. Discover the best "Avoid Work" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags interview, hiring, honesty, immoral, ulterior motives

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What would you say are your biggest weaknesses? Man: I like to rifle through my coworkers' desks when they aren't looking. But I don't steal anything unless I know I can frame someone else for the crime. I leave for work an hour late every day and blame traffic. I avoid accomplishing goals so I won't feel like sellout. Sometimes I'll start a trash fire just to get out of a meeting. And I've gotten every one of my bosses fired for things they didn't say or do. Boss: Would he be a good fit? Dilbert: I like what he has to offer.

Anger Issues

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Anger Issues - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags anger issues, listen to crazy people, mental problems, work weekend, crazy people

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: Im worried that all of my employees might have mental problems. The Boss: They exhibited anger issues when I told them to work all weekend for no extra pay. CatBert: Did they say you're the cause off their mental problems? The Boss: I dont listen to crazy people.

Customers Work For Free

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags test, big business, money, savings, obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

Boss Comes To Work Sick

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Boss Comes To Work Sick  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sick, sickness, illness, contagious, sick days, medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I have to warn you-- I have a fever and I'm tripping on cold medicine. Alice: Thank you for coming to work and infecting all of us, you selfish, addle-brained plague rat. Boss: I was going for "courageous." Dilbert: Do Wally first, so I can watch him spasm.

Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Conditions For Wally To Be On The Team - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags laziness, work ethic, excuses

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: My boss gave me approval to join your project team under the condition I don't take on any extra work. Woman: The whole point of being on the project is to do extra work. Maybe I should talk to your boss. Wally: His other condition is that you never contact him.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work ethic, productivity, progress, project, deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: I finished my project! Dilbert: Shhhh! Don't let anyone hear you say that. Only one of two things can come of it. Either you'll get more work or you'll get fired for not having enough work. Asok: Then how does anyone ever finish a project around here? Wally: We don't. We manipulate our boss into adding features so our projects are never complete. Asok: Is that hard to do? Dilbert: Not as hard as you might hope. Asok: How do you like the prototype so far? Boss: It needs a red button and some cooling fins.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, procrastination, work ethic, excuses, productivity

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?

Hard Work Is The Key To Success

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Hard Work Is The Key To Success - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, manager, self-interest, motivation

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok: What is the key to success? Boss: Hard work! Asok: Is it a coincidence that your advice for me corresponds to your self-interest? Boss: My other advice is never question authority.

Dilbert And Monkeys

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, work ethic, engagement, monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Wally Has An Idea

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Has An Idea - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Wally, alice, Dilbert, coffee, work, criteria, criticism

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I have an idea on how to fix our process. Alice: I've noticed that all of your ideas make everyone but you work harder. Wally: Apparently, we have different criteria for what makes an idea great.