Work Comic Strips - Page 63

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags user requirements, build system, some actual work, crazy talk

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Dilbert is meeting with a client. Dilbert says, "I'll design the system as soon as you give me the user requirements." The client responds, "Better yet, you could build the system, then I'll tell your boss that it doesn't meet my needs." Dilbert says, "I don't mean to frighten you, but you'll have to do some actual work." The client responds, "That's crazy talk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags work, requirements, cleverly hide comptenece, workflow

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Dilbert says to The Boss, "I can't start the project because the user won't give me his requirements." The Boss replies, "Start making something anyway. Otherwise we'll look unhelpful." Dilbert says, "So, our plan is to cleverly hide our competence." The Boss responds, "You think too much."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags actively isleads, hypocrite, marketing, table, talk to furniture, tell people, you mislead cutsomers, business

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Dogbert is standing on a desk, still in his magician's hat. Dilbert says, "You have to stop telling people that you can talk to furniture. It's not right." Dogbert replies, "You work for a company that actively misleads customers. How's that different?" Dilbert says, "We call it marketing, and we don't wear hats." Dogbert responds, "The table says you're a hypocrite."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blue jeans, ceo tries average, chauffer, dressed as fox, drove tractor, fox hunt, helicopter, interns, ironic, real work, roll sleeve, like secretary

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our CEO will be joining us in a minute." The Boss continues, "As usual, he'll be making an awkward attempt to seem like 'just plain folk.'" The CEO enters. He points to the chair next to Wally and says, "Excuse me - is this ordinary chair available for an average guy like me?" The CEO rolls up his sleeves and says, "I'll roll up my sleeves and get to work. I'm not too good for real work." The CEO turns to Alice and says, "I have a secretary, but it's almost as if I work for her. Ha ha! It's ironic." The CEO says, "Last weekend I wore blue jeans and drove a tractor!" A driver approaches the CEO and says, "Sir, your helicopter is here to take you to your island fortress for the fox hunt." The CEO turns to the meeting and says, "Itty bitty fortress." The driver adds, "The interns are already in full fox costumes."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new guy, middles part, forbid, near work space, not good people, 1970's called

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Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags leave work early, don't walk past, office of boss, just from roof, land in dumpster, leadership, cut throat

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Our VP is mad because people are leaving work too early." The Boss turns to Alice and says, "If you need to leave early, don't walk past his office. Go to the roof and leap into the 'dumpster' in the alley." The VP sits smugly in his office and thinks, "Leadership triumphs again." Alice can be seen through the window behind him jumping off the roof into the dumpster.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags excellent all year, rating poor, paper trail, fire you, surge of motivation, feedback

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Asok is meeting with The Boss. The Boss says, "Asok, your work has been excellent all year." The Boss continues, "I'm rating you 'poor' so I'll have a paper trail in case I ever need to fire you." Asok sobs and crumples his evaluation. The Boss says, "You'll probably feel a little surge of motivation because you got feedback."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags training, worlds longest joke, criminally abusive, behavior and fun, fine line behaviors

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The Boss is meeting with an employee. The Boss says, "So Ted has been training you for the past six months." The Boss continues, "Based on your work, I'd say he's playing the world's longest practical joke on you." The employee is visibly angry. He approached Ted. Ted says, "Sometimes there's a fine line between criminally abusive behavior and fun."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hostile work environment, continuous pressure, work, work and drink, forty cups, cutting back

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Wally enters The Boss' office and says, "You're creating a hostile work environment." Wally continues, "It's like there's continuous pressure to work." Wally shakes and exclaims, "But I'm only one person; I can't work and drink coffee!" The Boss replies, "I'm cutting you back to forty cups a day."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags smarter not harder, important looking document, pretend to be angry, avoid people, more problems, shirt toothpaste color, smells minty

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Asok walks into Wally's cubicle and says, "Wally, can you teach me to work smarter, not harder?" Wally reaches for a stack of papers and says, "Grab an important-looking document and follow me." As they're walking, Wally says, "Walk briskly and pretend to be angry about what you're reading." Asok makes a mean face and says, "Grrrr." A co-worker approaches Wally and Asok and says, "Hey, Asok, would you help me...?" Wally and Asok both stare at their papers and say, "Grrrr." The co-worker continues, "Never mind." Wally says to Asok, "As a rule, people try to avoid anyone who has more problems than they do." Wally continues, "Lesson two: make sure your shirt and your toothpaste are the same color." Wally points to his shirt and says, "This baby is covered with toothpaste stains, but you'd never know it." Asok exclaims, "Wow!" Wally continues, "And how often do you need to launder a shirt that smells minty?" Asok exclaims, "Never!"