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Dilbert, Wally and Ted sit at a conference table. Dilbert says, "Maybe Ted can answer that question . . ." Ted thinks, "Uh-oh." Ted thinks, "They're trying to make me work. I'll have to use body language to discourage them." Ted puts a pencil up his nose and rubs his head. Dilbert says, "Uh . . . Never mind." Ted thinks, "It's working."
The Boss, Dilbert, Wally and a woman sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We've got to make drastic changes to keep up with the competition." The Boss continues, "That's why I've had these little note pads made that say 'quality.'" Dilbert looks at one of the pads and asks, "Isn't it spelled with a 'u?'"
Dogbert stands at a lab table and says, "I'll use Dilbert's genetic lab to make a man with the wisdom of Ghandi and the strength of Wilt Chamberlain." Dogbert thinks, "Or vice versa." A man wearing an Indian pancha says to Dilbert, "Gimme your car keys. I'm gonna find us some babes." Dilbert replies, "Not in MY sheet."
Dilbert sits at the table working with test tubes and lab equipment. Dilbert says to Dogbert, "Sometimes I wonder if it's ethical to do these genetic experiments." Dilbert continues, "But I rationalize it because it will help improve the quality of life." Dogbert asks, "What are you making?" Dilbert replies, "Skunkopotamus."
A man sits at a conference table with two co-workers. He thinks, "I'm feeling confident today with what appears to be a full head of hair." The man thinks, "Nobody suspects that I'm actually combing the hair that grows in my ears over the top of my otherwise bald head." The man thinks, "It's amazing how clueless these people are."
Larry King sits at a table and says into the microphone, "Tonight on 'Larry King Live' we have a dog who makes sexy beer commercials, plus an angry feminist." The woman points to Dogbert and says, "His commercials encourage discrimination against women by portraying us all as sex objects." Dogbert asks the woman, "Are you saying men are so dumb, they get their views on life from beer commercials?" The woman crosses her arms and says, "I call them like I see them."
A man sitting at a conference table next to another man says, "We like you proposed ad campaign, Dogbert, but we think it needs some scantily clad women in it." Dogbert replies, "Gentlemen, this is the nineties. That concept is offensive and out-dated." One man says, "Ooh-ooh! What if they had jobs?" The other man says, "Bikini lawyers on skates!"
Dogbert stands at the table reading a card. Dilbert asks, "How are you coming on designing your greeting cards for death occasions?" Dogbert replies, "Okay. Now I'm working on the humorous angle." Dilbert reads, "Roses are red, / Violets are blue, / Cardboard is stiff, / And so are you."
Dogbert sits at the table writing on some cards. Dilbert asks, "What are you working on?" Dogbert replies, "I'm designing a line of cards for death occasions." Dogbert continues, "You know how sometimes you can't make it to the funeral, so you want to send a card instead . . ." Dilbert reads, "I'm sorry you're dead." Dogbert asks, "Is it too sentimental?"