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Dilbert jogs through the park wearing a sweat suit and sneakers. Dogbert sits in the chair. He asks, "How was your run?" Dilbert replies, "Great . . . I feel awful." Dogbert says, "Pardon a simple dog for asking, but why do you run if it feels awful?" Dilbert answers, "Well, if I do it every day, I'll live a longer life." Dogbert says, "So, life will feel awful, but at least it will last a long time." Dilbert says, "Unless I get hit by a truck . . ."
Dogbert stands at a desk writing on a piece of paper. Dilbert asks, "What's all the writing for?" Dogbert replies, "It's called 'affirmations.'" Dogbert explains, "The theory is that if you write down your objective fifteen times a day, the objective will be achieved, no matter how unlikely." Dilbert reads the affirmation and says, "But you've written 'Dilbert will be eaten by a garden slug.'" Dogbert replies, "It's all I could think of."
Dilbert joins Dogbert at the breakfast table. He says, "I had the weirdest dream last night . . ." Dogbert replies, "You probably think I want to hear all about it." Dilbert says, "I was kidnapped by hillbillies and forced to produce pocket lint on their illegal lint farm." Dilbert pictures himself hanging from the ceiling with tubes connected to his pockets. Dilbert continues, "They fed me only flannel and water, and mined my pockets twice a day." Dilbert is hooked up to a machine. Dilbert says, "Thank God it was only a dream . . ." Dogbert says, "Only a dream? Maybe you should check your pockets." Dilbert puts his hands in his pockets and screams, "Lint!!" Dogbert looks at the reader and says, "Stranger than fiction."
Dogbert stands on a stool and looks in the bathroom mirror. He asks, "Do you think I look more like Rin Tin Tin or Lassie? Maybe Benji?" Dilbert stands in front of the shower with a towel around his waist. Dilbert replies, "I dunno . . . Maybe a big furry egg." Dogbert says, "With that little inspiration boost, I believe I am ready to attack the new day."
Dilbert says to the Grim Reaper, "Look, Mr. Death, now that you know I'm the wrong guy, why don't you just leave me alone." The Grim Reaper replies, "I hate to waste a trip. Suppose your number comes up tomorrow - I gotta come all the way back. Just let me hang around today. You won't even notice me." Dilbert says, "THIS is gonna be a very long day." The Grim Reaper follows him and asks, "So, how do you feel?"
Phil the Ruler of Heck reads a list and says, "Oh good, the last stop of the day." Phil stands in front of Dilbert's mailbox. As Dilbert reaches into the refrigerator Phil pokes him in the back with his spoon. Phil says, "Freeze, mortal! Let me see the expiration date on that milk!" Dilbert says, "I can go to hell for drinking old milk?!" Phil replies, "Nah, I'm from 'Heck.' We handle the little stuff."