Ceo Plans Comic Strips - Page 63

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

638 Results for Ceo Plans

View 621 - 630 results for ceo plans comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo Plans" comics from Dilbert.com.

Ted Might Drop Dead

Thank you for voting.
Ted Might Drop Dead - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 17, 2017's comic on:


Tags #health, #monitor, #fitbit, #wearable tech, #heart attack, #diseases, #death, #prediction, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Ted, your performance is poor. I need to let you go. Ted: Is it a coincidence that you're firing me at the same time my employee health monitor detected cardiovascular disease? How good are the predictive analytics on this? Boss: Don't make lunch plans.

If We Are Off By One Percent

Thank you for voting.
If We Are Off By One Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 2017's comic on:


Tags #projection, #prediction, #finances, #big business, #guess, #estimate, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: According to my highly unreliable forecast, we're on the right track. But if even one of my seventeen assumptions is off by one percent, we are doomed. The obvious conclusion is that... Board: We're nailing it!

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 14, 2018's comic on:


Tags #network, #optics, #stupid company, #Women, #imagination, #flirting, #miscommunication, #co workers, #argument, #women in management, #employees, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: do you have lunch plans? Dilbert: Aren't you married? Carol: Im not asking you out on a date, Im trying to network. Dilbert: The optics wouldn't be good. Carol: How am I supposed to network in this stupid company? Dilbert: Maybe you could network with other women. Carol: This company has no women in management! Now I see the problem. Its people like you! Dilbert: Is it my imagination or was she flirting with me? Wally: I can't tell.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 04, 2018's comic on:


Tags #add code, #corporate scamming, #darkest day, #designed new prodcut, #draft apology, #engineering success, #make unrelaible, #no upgarde, #press release, #ten years

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Ive designed our new product to work flawlessly for up to ten years. CEO: No one will need an upgrade. Thats no good. Add some code to low it down and make it unreliable after two years. CEO: But make sure the device doesn't slow down until we have an upgrade to sell. Then draft an apology I can put un a press realize when we get caught. Dilbert: You have turned my engineering success into the darkest day of my career. CEO: Thats not even close to being true. Your darkest day will be when the press figures out what we did and I fore you for it.

No Plans To Reorganize

Thank you for voting.
No Plans To Reorganize - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 06, 2018's comic on:


Tags #reorganization, #rumor, #insult, #logic

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that management is thinking about reorganizing the department. But reorganizing would obviously be a smart thing to do. Dilbert: Then why are you not considering it? Boss: This is exactly why no one likes you.

Wally Plans His Retirement

Thank you for voting.
Wally Plans His Retirement - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #retirement, #profit

View Transcript

Transcript

wally: the product i'm developing will be unprofitable for the first none years, but revenue will surge in the tenth. the boss: didn't you tell me you plan to retire in nine years? wally: maybe. the boss: you will be happily retired before we find out if profits really do surge in year ten. the boss: that makes everything you say sound suspicious. wally: numbers don't lie. the boss: who came up with the numbers? wally: that's all the time we have for questions.

Not In My Town

Thank you for voting.
Not In My Town - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 02, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #engineering, #office, #office workers, #nuclear

View Transcript

Transcript

dilbert: i engineered a totally safe design for nuclear power plants. ceo: how sure are you that it is safe? dilbert: one hundred percent. ceo: just keep it away from my town. dilbert: maybe it wasn't an engineering problem after all.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #bugs, #business, #fire, #office, #office workers, #quit, #system

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: ned won 't return any of my messages. ceo: fire him the boss: i can't do that. the boss holding hands out: ned is indispensable. ceo: what makes him indispensable? the boss: he's the only one who knows how to fix bugs in our system. ceo: what system? the boss: i don't know. ceo: then how do you know he's indispensable? the boss: ned told me. ceo: fire him anyway. dilbert: ned quit two years ago.

Bad Denials

Thank you for voting.
Bad Denials - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 15, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #spying, #elbonia

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo: have you confirmed that the cyber attacks are coming from elbonia? dilbert: no. ceo: i guess that means you are on their side. dilbert: what? catbert: what proof do you have that dilbert is a spy? ceo: he didn't deny it the way I think he should have.

Prove A Negative

Thank you for voting.
Prove A Negative - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 12, 2019's comic on:


Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #accusations, #negative

View Transcript

Transcript

ceo to dilbert: is this everything i need to know? dilbert: yes. ceo: how can you be sure there isn't something out there we don't know about? dlbert: are you asking me to prove a negative? ceo: it's more of an accusation than a question.