New Product Comic Strips - Page 63
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1000 Results for New Product
View 621 - 630 results for new product comic strips. Discover the best "New Product" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday February 16,
2011
Tags managers & supervisors, move to big building, regular job, so unimprotant, won't be missed, work on something, month, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Tina, you'll be in charge of our move to the new building." Tina says, "That means you think my regular job is so unimportant that I won't be missed if I work on something else for a month." The Boss says, "If it makes you feel any better, this will take longer than a month."
Sunday July 17,
2011
Tags big business, business ethics, career path, warn you, maximum career potential, less embarrassing car, ne wocmpany, ceo, huge nbonus, conversation
Transcript
Dilbert: I'd like to talk about my career path. Boss: Are you sure? Dilbert: Um... yes. I'm sure. Boss: Don't say I didn't warn you. You're within 20% of your maximum career potential. Your future will be just like the present, except you'll be older and you might own a less-embarrassing car. If you go to a new company, you'll like it at first. But in time you'll realize every place is the same. Dilbert: Gaaa!! Take back the truth!1 Lie to me! Boss: Maybe someday our CEO will make such a huge bonus that he'll want to share some of it with you. Dilbert: I hate! Boss: Hey, I'm the guy who tried to spare you from this conversation.
Saturday July 30,
2011
Tags exercise & fitness, office workers, using company gym, 60 hrs week, paying for itself
Transcript
Boss: Ted, I can't give you a raise because you've been using the company gym during work hours. Ted: I work sixty hours a week! Why did we build a new gym if I'm not supped to use it?? Boss: You were right. That gym is totally paying for itself.
Saturday September 03,
2011
Tags commerce, optimism, patents, patent infringement, google, apple, microsoft, oracle, nasa, astroid, life span of optimist, technology
Transcript
Lawyer: Our newest product infringes patents from Google, Apple, Microsoft, and Oracle. They've joined forces and hired NASA to nudge an asteroid toward our headquarters. Boss: I think we can win this. Lawyer: I wonder what the average life span of an optimist is.
Wednesday September 07,
2011
Tags business ethics, computers & peripherals, software, install and test, database software, engineering
Transcript
Dogbert consults Dogbert: I recommend that you buy the Dogbert database software. Boss: Did I just pay a consultant to recommend his own company's software? Dogbert: I'm totally objective. Boss: Who would install and test it? Dogbert: Maybe a consultant who knows the product?
Wednesday September 14,
2011
Tags correspondence, electronic mail, genius, unfinished product, writing, hallmark of genius, unexpected use of time
Transcript
Boss: You didn't answer my email. Dilbert: I tried to read it but the signal-to-noise ratio was too low. Boss: So it's sort of a technical problem? Dilbert: Okay.
Sunday October 16,
2011
Tags choosing, meetings, creative ideas, next prodcut, ignorance on public disply, cost money, increase risk, evaluate each idea, disdain, good idea
Transcript
Boss: We need creative ideas for our next product. But not from you. Your ideas are awful. And don't suggest something that is already being done. That just puts your ignorance on public display. I don't want to hear any ideas that cost money or increase risk. As usual, I'll evaluate each idea by repeating it slowly while I look at your with disdain. If you come up with a good idea, I'll let you take on the project in addition to your existing work. Who wants to go first? How did I hire so many people who have no ideas? Catbert: Probably bad luck.
Friday October 28,
2011
Tags business ethics, illness, industrial sludge, drank, has tail, lower iq points, bright future, quality assurance, marketing, zip line guide, business
Transcript
Dilbert: He's been like this since our CEO made him drink a glass of our industrial sludge at a press conference. It looped a few points off his I.Q., but he's still has a bright future in quality assurance or maybe marketing. And with his new tail he'd be an awesome zip line guide.
Sunday November 20,
2011
Tags crimes, gadgets, inventions, world class invenotr, invented prodcuts, key memeber, fired for stealing, stuff to steal, high five, hits boss
Transcript
Boss: I hired a world-class inventor. Meet Toby. When he worked for our competitor, he invented their coolest product. Toby: I was just a member of a team. Boss: A key member! Toby: Until they fired me for stealing. Wally: You came to the right place. We have tons of stuff to steal and no one ever gets caught! Toby: Give me a high five with a boss head in the middle! Noise: SLAP! Toby: That's the only thing I ever invented. Wally: Have you seen our storage closet?
Thursday November 24,
2011
Tags commerce, service business, unmotivated sales guy, slides are blank, compelling reason, no commission work, budget issues
Transcript
Unmotivated sales guy Man: My slides are blank because no one told me what our product does. And I don't have a compelling reason to find out because I don't work on commission. If anyone asks why you didn't place an order, would you mind saying you have budget issues?


