Mom Can Use Comic Strips - Page 64
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Boss: We're going to use our VR technology to take over the cubicle business. Write a program that makes users feel as if they are working in a fabric-covered box. Dilbert: Maybe we should think outside the box. Boss: Stop resisting change.
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Tina: Can I borrow your phone to make a call? I dropped mine and broke it. Dilbert: No, I don't like other people touching my phone, or breathing on it, or reading my messages. Tina: You have a lot of issues. Dilbert: Said the person who doesn't use protective phone cases because they are ugly.
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Dilbert: I finished coding the software, but I used a much better database than our company standard. ed: In other words, your software is terrific, but we won't be able to use it because or our internal rules. Dilbert: The alternative was to write sub-optimal code. I'd rather be dead. Ted: I curse my lack of authority!
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Boss: Why isn't your project done? Dilbert: I can't make the people on my team do any work because I'm not their boss. Boss: Sure you can. It's called leadership. I do it all the time. Dilbert: All you do is threaten to fire people. I can't do that because I"m not their boss. Boss: That's why you have to use your soft leadership skills A good leader can get people to do anything. Dilbert: Then why couldn't you get me to finish my project on time? And why do you pay me? You could just lead me to work for free. Boss: Shut up or I'll fire you.
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Boss: Tina, I need you to write the product warning section for the user guide. Make sure you cover every possible danger. Tina: "Never use this product while standing below a poorly maintained helicopter full of porcupines."
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Dilbert: Why do I need a prescription from a doctor to make a drug that boosts my dopamine... but I don't need a doctor's approval to use an app that is designed to do the same thing? Are you ignoring me and playing with your phone? Dogbert: I wasn't getting any dopamine from listening to you.
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Boss: This is our new employee, Mark. Mark was a navy SEAL. He fought in three separate conflicts. He once fought off a hundred insurgents and saved a town. Show Mark how we roll at this company. Dilbert: Today I'll be reformatting my PowerPoint deck because someone said the design is not organic. Mark: What's that mean? Dilbert: It doesn't matter. I'll just push some things around and hope the guy who complained doesn't attend the next meeting. Mark: How do you survive this place? Dilbert: I don't like to use the word "hero."
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Dilbert: Im uncomfortable with letting the government have a back door into our sled driving car software. The Boss: You worry too much, They'll only use it to kill terrorists and traitors. Dilbert: I think I might disable it and not tell them. The Boss: Traitor