Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 64

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

646 Results for Computer Programmers

View 631 - 640 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.

Virus Gives Everyone A Raise

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Virus Gives Everyone A Raise  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags virus, infection, computer, malware, morals, salary, technology, money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The Elbonian virus in our network just gave ever employee an ten percent raise. You have to get rid of the virus! Dilbert: If the Elbonian software is giving me a raise, and you're trying to sop it, wouldn't that make you the virus?

Radical Candor

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Radical Candor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags the boss, Dilbert, management, radical condor, time, computer

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.

Bad Mouthing Ted's Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bad Mouthing Ted's Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computer software, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm, technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.

Complaining About Ted

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Complaining About Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags complaining, computer software, engineering, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I took over Ted's software project. Everything he did was inefficient and stupid. Okay, we're done here. I'm checking you off my list. Alice: How many people are you complaining to? Dilbert: I trimmed the list to three hundred.

Teach Employees To Code

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Teach Employees To Code - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, computers, engineering, managers & supervisors, office workers, teaching, smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: The job market is so tight we can't find any programmers. So I want you to teach some of our employees how to code. Dilbert: You mean the smart ones, I hope. Boss: No, we need the smart ones in their current jobs.

Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert Teaches The Dumb People - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, insults, marketing, office workers, sales, teaching, smart

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: My boss asked me to teach a class on coding because it is hard to find programmers in this job market. Are there any smart people in the class or do you all work in marketing and sales? Voice: What's that supposed to mean? Dilbert: Thank you. Is anyone else in sales?

How Long To Make Ai

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Long To Make Ai  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computers, engineering, intelligence, office workers, sarcasm, technology, robots, humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How long would it take you to create artificial intelligence that is as smart as humans? Dilbert: It shouldn't take me long to dumb-down a computer to human levels. Boss: What? Dilbert: It might take five minutes, tops.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, computers, intelligence, technology, trick, humans

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I created a simulated world made entirely of software. I programmed all of the people in the simulation to think they are real people with free will. Dogbert: Are they sentient beings? Dilbert: They think they are. Dogbert: What if they discover their true nature? Dilbert: I programmed limits into their physics so they can never observe the walls of their reality. For example, they can't get to the edge of their universe because they can't exceed the speed of light. And they can't find out what they are made of because, to them, it looks like probability at the quantum level. Dogbert: Wouldn't those limits tip of the smart ones? Dilbert: I coded them to not trust smart people.

Small Managers

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Small Managers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags boss, business, computer software, engineering, frustration, office workers, sarcasm, clients

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!

How Long Will It Take

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How Long Will It Take - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags computer software, office, office workers

View Transcript

Transcript

the boss: how long will it take to fix the bug? dilbert: that depends. how long will you stand behind me and interrupt me? the boss: how should i know? i can't see the future?