Fake Own Death Comic Strips - Page 64

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677 Results for Fake Own Death

View 631 - 640 results for fake own death comic strips. Discover the best "Fake Own Death" comics from Dilbert.com.

Value Of An Employee's Life

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Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

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Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

Spare Time

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Spare Time - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #time, #help, #rudeness

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Man: Do you have some spare time to help me on my project? Dilbert: There's no such thing as spare time. There is only you inconveniencing me for your own selfish benefit. Man: You're being rude. Dilbert: Stop blaming the victim.

Kicking Brains Into The River

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Kicking Brains Into The River - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #photo, #evidence, #identity, #guilt, #proof

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Police Officer: You're under arrest for running a scam cryogenic investment firm. We have video footage of you kicking unfrozen brains into the river. Dogbert: That doesn't look like me. Police Officer: You were chanting your own name.

Wally's Stealth Drone

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Wally's Stealth Drone - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deception, #deceit, #drone, #technology, #invention, #fake

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Wally: In my right hand is a standard drone. In my left hand is a drone using the cloaking technology I invented. Voices: Ooh! Wow! Wally: I'll demonstrate it flying as soon as I finish the noise cancellation. CEO: Employee of the year!

Reincarnation Advice

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Reincarnation Advice - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #motivation, #reincarnation, #death, #fussiness, #medical

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Narrator: Dogbert's Life Advice. Dogbert: I've reviewed your file. Your best bet is to live an unhealthy lifestyle, die young, and hope reincarnation is real. Man: Is it real? Dogbert: All I know for sure is that dead people are less fuss than you.

Mind Reader Coworker

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Mind Reader Coworker - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #paranoia, #body language, #assume, #assumption, #conclusions

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Man: Why do you hate the plan so much? Dilbert: I don't hate the plan. I like the plan. Man: No, I can tell by the way you chose your words that you hate it. Now I can tell by your face that you hate me. Dilbert: You're like a blind squirrel who brings his own nuts to the park.

Death By Ninjas Is Best

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Death By Ninjas Is Best - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ninja, #hit man, #optimism, #frustration, #irony

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Wally: Why aren't you worried about the Elbonian ninjas who are reportedly coming here to kill you in your sleep? Dilbert: That's the best way to die. I won't care about anything after I'm gone, so this is the ideal scenario for me. Elbonian 1: He's ruining everything with his cheery attitude. Elbonian 2: Let's see how he likes another thirty years in a cubicle.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #conversation, #assumption, #arguing, #logic, #argument

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Man: You said the software would be finished by today. Dilbert: I said it might be finished by today. Man: Why did you say it might be finished if you knew it wouldn't? Dilbert: I didn't know it wouldn't be finished. Man: Now you're flip-flopping all over the place. Dilbert: You're conflating your own false memories with my actions. Man: That's exactly what liars say. Dogbert: How was work? Dilbert: Totally normal. Unfortunately.

Grant Application

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Grant Application  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #job description, #responsibility, #business

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Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.

Wife Starts A Business

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Wife Starts A Business - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entrepreneur, #business, #divorce, #marriage, #assumption, #small business, #relationships

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Boss: My wife is starting her own business. Carol: I'm sorry to hear that. How many years have you been married? Boss: She's not leaving me. She's starting a business. Carol: Right. Don't talk about Phase 2. Got it.