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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags concludes presentation, questions, boredom, head, screams, can't breathe

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Dilbert stands next to a projection on the wall. Dilbert says, "This concludes my presentation. Are there are any questions?" The people in the meeting have their hands to their ears and look terrified. One man says, "How do I get the boredome out of my head?!" Dilbert thinks, "The funny thing is that I'll list thia on my annual accomplishments." The people say, in unison, "Air! I need air!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags astrologer, plotting, rip off, astrologer charging, plotting rip off, hourly billing, prefer to call

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The boss sits in meeting next to Dogbert who is dressed in a turban. The boss says, "My atrologer tells me that someone here is plotting to rip me off." Asok says, "How much is your atrologer charging you?" The boss says, "Are you plotting to rip me off?" Dogbert says, "I prefer to call it hourly billing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags nice woman, venting, phone number, sounds nocer, insulted, descent story, Dilbert, brutal truth

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Dilbert is at a party. A woman says, "And then I said, "How am I supposed to do all that?" then I glared at her." Dilbert says, "Do you have that woman's phone number? She sounds nicer than you." Dilbert walks and thinks, "I don't see why it's MY fault she can't tell a decent story."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wear jeans, work pants, sworn secrecy, butt looks good, comfratble, jeans under work pants

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Wally and Dilbert get coffee in the office kitchen. Dilbert says, "I wish we could wear jeans at work." Wally says, "I'm wearing jeans right now." Wally says, "I wear my work pants over the jeans so no one will know how comfortable I am." Alice comes into Dilbert's cubicle. Alice says, "Why does Wally's butt look so good today." Dilbert says, "I'm sworn to secrecy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags despicable creep, pay for crimes, tell him, feelings, date at 10

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Dilbert walks with a dark haired women. She says, "I never told my last boyfriend what a despicable creep he was." She grabs on to the front of Dilbert's shirt and says, "But you'll pay for his crimes and pay dearly!!" Dilbert looks mad and says, "Why don't you call him and tell him how you feel?" She says, "I have a date with him at ten o'clock tonight."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags budgets, spreadhseet, error, exercise in futility, hum

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Dilbert stands behind Asok, who sits zombie like at his computer, and says, "It's a funny thing about budgets...." Dilbert says, "No matter how hard you try, there's always a spreadsheet error that makes it all an exercise in futility." Dilbert says, "Do you mind if I hum?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wax spoon, huge spoon, reapy, gartitude

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Phil and Asok walk. Asok says, "Phil, you have atught me so muach about life. How can I repay you?" Phil says, "You can wax my huge spoon." Asok says, "Why do have a huge spoon?" Phil says, "I'm just lucky, I guess."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags blame others, Catbert, evil hr director, oversized head, problem, tight pantyhose, low morale

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Caption: "Catbert: Evil H.R. Director" Catbert says, to Alice, "Alice, you blame others for your low morale." Catbert points at Alice and says, "BUT THE REAL PROBLEM IS YOUR TIGHT PANTYHOSE!!" Alice says, "I don't think so." CAtbert says, "Then how do you explain your oversized head?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quick call, continue, presentation, ignore, vice presidentail, pile of money, capital spending, small phone

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Dilbert stands in front of a conference room. A man's cell phone rings and he says, "Continue with your presentation while I take this quick call." Dilbert says, "Go ahead and ignore me, you vice presidential pile of stinkin' monkey.." The man says, "Okay, bye." Dilbert says, "Crapital spending." The man says, "Look how small my phone is."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags fat man, huge breakfast, lunch, until dinner, work all night

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The boss walks with Asok. The boss says, "Asok, when I was your age I'd eat a huge breakfast, so I wouldn't have to stop working for lunch." The boss says, "Then I'd eat a huge lunch, so I could work all night, or until dinner, whichever came first." The boss says, "That's how I got to be the man I am today." Asok says, "Fat?"