New Product Comic Strips - Page 65
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1000 Results for New Product
View 641 - 650 results for new product comic strips. Discover the best "New Product" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday July 27,
2003
Tags surplussed ted, absorb function, 2 jobs one salary, absorb his funtion, osmosis, symbiosis, syneregy, key learning, tragic series, monkey brained
Transcript
"I surplussed Ted. You'll need to absorb his function." "Absorb his function?" "Are you telling me to do two jobs for one salary?" "No, I'm telling you to absorb his function.. in an absorptive fashion." "..Using osmosis, symbiosis, and synergy." "Can you change reality by inventing new names for ordinary things?" "I sure hope so. Otherwise my entire career has been a.. a.." "Tragic series of monkey-brained mistakes?" "Key learning."
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Monday July 28,
2003
Tags new ad campiagn, music from artsits, willing to sell out, dead musicians, not descomposed
Transcript
Our new as caiman willies familiar music from artists who are willing to sell out. Due to budget cuts, we'll limit our search to musicians who are dead but not yet totally decomposed. MAKEUP!!!!
Thursday August 07,
2003
Tags new server, condescending simple version, full technical explination, early covislaizations, no concept of zero
Transcript
The Boss: Tell me why you need a new server. and don't give me the condescending simple version for managers. I want a full technical explanation. Dilbert: Early civilizations had no concept of zero. The Boss: Go on.
Thursday August 14,
2003
Tags billion dollar product line, designed and launched, meets expectations, high expectations, worng
Transcript
"Alice, this year you single-handedly designed and launched a billion dollar line of new products." "For that accomplishment, I give you the highly coveted 'meets expectations' designation!" "Alice, if having high expectations of you is wrong, then I don't want to be right."
Sunday August 17,
2003
Tags netwrok security, buggy, complicated, user guide, pure evil, tech support dept, chimp with typewriter, strategy, victims, hair quiver, consultants, paid by hour
Transcript
Dogbert Consults. DOgbert: "Your network-security product is buggy and complicated." "Your used guide is an inspired work of pure evil." "And your tech-support department is an inebriated chimpanzee with a typewriter." "One strategy would be to fix all of those problems." The Boss: "What's the other strategy?" Dogbert: "Sell consulting services to your victims... I mean customers!" The Boss: "I'm so happy, it's making my hair quiver!" "But what do we do when our consultants can't make our products work either?" Dogbert: "They're paid by the hour." The Boss: "QUIVER!!"
Sunday August 24,
2003
Tags boss, touched by new hire, cry, hired, special skill, identifying good people, part instinct, favorite color
Transcript
Man: "When I'm not helping team members, I like to feed the poor or read to blind people." "I don't care about money. All I want is a chance to help humanity reach its fullest potential." The Boss: "You're so wonderful. It's making me cry! You're hired." Man: "Excellent." The Boss: "Come meet the team." "I have a special skill for identifying good people." "It's part instinct, part experience." "And yes, maybe just a little ESP." "Watch this." "Alice, your favorite color is...mitten?"
Tuesday August 26,
2003
Tags million lines of code, irrelevent data, key your car, no choice
Transcript
The Boss: "Our new product has half a million lines of code!" "Translation: there's nothing good about this product, so you hope I'm impressed by irrelevant data." "Now available in ecru!" "You leave me no choice but to key your car on the way out."
Tuesday September 30,
2003
Tags disloyal ingrate, evil dircetor, inform boss, internal job open, new policy
Transcript
CatBert: "Evil H.R. Director." "New policy: You must inform your boss before applying for an internal job opening." "PURRRRRRRRR." The Boss: "Well, good luck, you disloyal, back-stabbing ingrate."
Thursday October 02,
2003
Tags new hire, guy, bothering workers, love golf, rain tomorrow, plans, sad paper body, roll in salt, scoring system
Transcript
Man: "I love golf. Golfing is fun. It's a good day to golf. Do you want to go golfing in the rain tomorrow at 6 A.M.?" Wally: "No, thanks. I have plans to sandpaper my entire body and roll around in salt." Man: "I hope no one ever creates a scoring system for that."
Sunday October 12,
2003
Tags new version, every feature, current version, leapfrog competition, better products, pile of crud
Transcript
The boss: "Hey, it's a customer!" The boss: "You're in luck; our next version has every feature you'll ever want!" Man: "It does?" "I was ready to buy your current version... but I guess I'll wait." The Boss: "When will our new version be ready?" Dilbert: "In a year." "The new version will leapfrog our competition." Man: "Leapfrog? That implies that they have better products right now." The Boss: "BUY OUR PRODUCT, YOU STINKIN' PILE OF CRUD!!" "SLAP!" "I have to run. Try not to blow the sale."

