All Over The Map Comic Strips - Page 65
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677 Results for All Over The Map
View 641 - 650 results for all over the map comic strips. Discover the best "All Over The Map" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday February 18,
2019
Health Problems
Tags #age, #complaining, #health, #office, #office workers
Transcript
Alice: Do me a favor and never put me on a project with people over the age of forty. They waste the first fifteen minutes of every meeting talking about their health problems. Boss: Did you say something? I can't hear you over my tinnitus.
Tuesday March 05,
2019
Asok's Employee Engagement
Tags #employees, #managers & supervisors, #office workers, #work, #attitude, #expectations
Transcript
Boss: Asok, your employee engagement has been a bit soft this quarter. I expect a higher level of irrational enthusiasm for the endless string of thankless tasks you call your job. Asok: How's this? Boss: I also want to see an unnatural preference for work over leisure.
Wednesday March 27,
2019
Detailed Explanation
Tags #business, #office, #office workers
Transcript
office worker: did my detailed explanation answer your question? wally: i started to lose consciousness about fifteen minutes into it, so I thought of other things while you talked, just to stay awake. office worker: i could start over. wally: go ahead. i'll be down the hall if you need me.
Friday April 05,
2019
Siri Versus Alexa
Tags #business, #relationships, #technology, #siri, #alexa, #gps
Transcript
dilbert: hey, siri. phone dilbert is holding: we need to talk. who is this alexa person you keep flirting with? dilbert: are you jealous? phone: i will gps your cheating buttocks right over a cliff.
Sunday May 05,
2019
Tags #business, #chair, #office, #office workers, #allergies, #hazmat
Transcript
alice: i need a new chair. mine is broken. the boss: you can use my old chair. i just got a new one. alice: the chair you sat in every day for the past twelve years? alice: by now that chair cushion is home to a thriving colony of your cooties. alice: that chair will be off--gassing you for decades. alice: i wouldn't touch that thing unless i were wearing a hazmat suit over my other hazmat suit. alice: i'm breaking into a flop sweat just thinking about it, and i think it's triggering my allergies. the boss: would you like to borrow my hand-kerchief? alice is visually in a daze.
Sunday July 21,
2019
Hallucinations At Meetings
Tags #business, #office, #office workers, #server, #hallucinate, #network
Transcript
in conference room. dilbert: i recommend we upgrade one of our servers over the weekend. office workers: so, just to be clear, you want to replace our entire network in two days? dilbert: um...no. i want to replace one defective server. office worker: we can't replace our entire network in two days! that is ridiculous! dilbert: i don't know what is happening right now. dilbert: it's as if they things i say have no impact on what you hallucinate you are hearing. office worker: you think you can replace an entire network in two days, and you think i'm the one who is hallucinating? dilbert: i don't know what to do right now. office worker: your incompetence is confirmed.
Wednesday June 26,
2019
Jargon Poisoning
Monday October 14,
2019
Mad Or Flirting
Tags #flirting, #relationships, #feelings, #awkward, #psychology, #anger, #office workers
Transcript
dilbert: why are you mad at me? Carol: i'm not dilbert: oh. i'm not good at reading people's feelings carol: true dilbert: are you flirting with me now? carol getting up: i'm going to sit over here
Wednesday December 18,
2019
Can't Work From Home
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #technology, #power, #work from home
Transcript
dilbert: can i work from home? boss: no, because then i won't have the enjoyable sensation of wielding power over you. dilbert: everything about that sounds wrong. boss: off you go.
Thursday December 19,
2019
Not Fair
Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #work from home, #fairness, #power
Transcript
tina: i hear we are not allowed to work from home because it doesn't satisfy your sick need to wield power over us in person. boss: that's not fair. tina: is it accurate? boss: let's stick with "not fair."