Before Start Comic Strips - Page 66

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View 651 - 660 results for before start comic strips. Discover the best "Before Start" comics from Dilbert.com.

How Conspiracy Theories Start

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How Conspiracy Theories Start  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #aspersions, #guilt, #innocence, #blame

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Narrator: How conspiracy theories start. Alice: I can't find my spreadsheet files. Asok: I saw Dilbert going into the server room. Alice: That doesn't mean any... Asok: Carol said he was mad about something you said. Narrator: Continued...

Dilbert Starts The Cover Up

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Dilbert Starts The Cover Up  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #aspersions, #suspicion, #blame, #proof, #guilt, #innocence

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Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Alice: I think Dilbert is trying to ruin my career. Carol said he was mad about something I said, and hew as in the server room right before I lost my files. This morning he said he "had work to do." Boss: OMG. He already started the cover-up. Narrator: Continued...

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 15, 2018's comic on:


Tags #suggestion, #invention, #budget, #money

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Dilbert: The electronic suggestion box project is halfway done. The original design called for a bos that scans and digitizes suggestions written on paper and emails them to the appropriate manager. Then the device shreds the original paper suggestion to make room for more. I already built the box and the shredder. I'll need additional funding to finish the scanning part. Boss: We don't have any flexibility in our budget. Let's just deploy what you have. Dilbert: All I have is a box that shreds suggestions before anyone reads them. Boss: Don't let perfect be the enemy of good.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 22, 2018's comic on:


Tags #memory, #demagoguery, #social media, #Opinion, #technology

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Man: You said you hated this idea last week, but now you say you like it. How do you explain your flip-flopping? Dilbert: I always liked the idea. Nothing changed. Man: Hahaha! Nice try! You're back-pedaling because I busted you. Dilbert: Here is my email trail from the first moment the idea came up. As you can plainly see, I have liked the idea from the start. Any questions? Boss: Why is it so hard for you to admit you were wrong?

Arresting The Rich

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Arresting The Rich - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 27, 2018's comic on:


Tags #money, #rich people, #arrest, #discrimination, #equality

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Police Officer: Before I arrest you, I'll need to know your net worth. We have a slightly different process for arresting rich folks. Dogbert: I'm very rich. Police Officer: In that case, I'll wear the handcuffs.

Customers Work For Free

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Customers Work For Free - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2018's comic on:


Tags #test, #big business, #money, #savings, #obliviousness

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Alice: Did anyone test our user interface before we shipped it? Boss: No, our customers will tell us what they don't like about it. And they work for free. Alice: That isn't right. Boss: That's what our customers say, too, and unlike you, they work for free.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #competition, #replacement, #hiring, #job description

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Boss: Wally, I need you to write up your job description for me. Wally: Is that because you're planning to hire someone to replace me? Boss: I need it by tomorrow. Wally: Job description: leverage platform technologies to maximize software architecture optimization via nanotubes. Here you go. Boss: Can you start on Monday? Man: I changed my mind.

Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday

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Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 18, 2018's comic on:


Tags #negotiation, #irony, #appointment, #deadline, #consultant, #training, #business

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Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.

We Need To Talk

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We Need To Talk - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 20, 2018's comic on:


Tags #contradiction, #argument, #disagreement

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Boss: The software upgrade will be ready by Friday. Dilbert: Actually, that's when we will start writing it. Boss: And it will save us twenty million dollars. Dilbert: Actually, it will cost a million dollars and save nothing. Boss: We need to talk. Dilbert: We do? I'm not feeling that.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2018's comic on:


Tags #distraction, #procrastination, #work ethic, #excuses, #productivity

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Dilbert: I have one hour to get some work done before my meeting. But I can't concentrate when i"m hungry, so I need a shack. This snack is making me thirsty. The label on this shirt is bugging me. I need to cut it off. Q quick trip to the restroom and then I can get down to work. Ugh. I have fifteen messages since I left my desk. Now it's too close to my meeting to start a new task. Dogbert: How's work? Dilbert: How would I know?