New Employee Comic Strips - Page 66
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 651 - 660 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday December 29,
2007
Tags new years eve, celebrate calendar event, hair brush as loofah
Transcript
Ratbert: What kind of party are we having for New Year's Eve? Dilbert: "Why would I celebrate an arbitrary calendar event?" Ratbert: "Suddenly I don't feel so bad about using your hairbrush as a loofah."
Thursday December 27,
2007
Tuesday December 25,
2007
Tags firing, incompetent, another job, lack of training, new job, incompetence, normal
Transcript
The Boss: "Bruce, you're totally incompetent at your job, so I've moving you to another job." "I'm hoping your lack of training for your new job will make your incompetence seem normal." Half of this job is know when to give up."
Wednesday December 19,
2007
Tags disciuss company politics, career monefield, project, new strategic direction, upcoming reorganization, plan to criticize, something good happens
Transcript
The Boss: "I'm not allowed to discuss the company politics that form a career minefield around your project." "And I can't tell you the company's new strategic direction, or anything about our upcoming reorg." The boss: "My plan is to criticize you until something good happens."
Wednesday December 05,
2007
Tags intern, test pilot, new moon, shuttle prototype, wiser, monkey on first flight
Transcript
The Boss: "Asok, I need an intern to test-pilot our new moon shuttle prototype." Asok: "Wouldn't it be wiser to send a monkey on the first flight?" The Boss: "You're thinking of the second flight."
Friday November 23,
2007
Tags family friendly policy, implemented, children, parents, needs of family, school, sick, rugby game, denta;appoitments, responsibility of parent, surprised, Family, education, medical
Transcript
Carol: "I'd like to take advantage of our new family friendly policy." "Three of my kids have bronchitis, two have dental appointments, one is in a school play, and one has a rugby game." "In all likelihood, you will never see me again." The boss: "We didn't think this through."
Wednesday November 07,
2007
Tags rebalance 401k, new starategy, element of surprise
Transcript
The Boss: Our new strategy has never worked for anyone before. "That will give us the element of surprise." "Let's get started!" Dilbert: "Can I rebalance my 401(k) first?"
Wednesday October 10,
2007
Tags new guy, huge wesel, new hires, credible, complin, stop doing, stop working
Transcript
Wally: The new guy is a huge weasel. Don't believe anything he says. The Boss: "You say that about all the new hires so they won't seem credible when they complain about you." Wally: "I'll stop doing it when it stops working."
Monday October 08,
2007
Tags charge less, enginners, honesty, stop, brilliant suggestion
Transcript
The boss: Explain why you charge less of your time to projects than all the other engineers. Dilbert: "I'm trying something new. It's called honesty." The Boss: "Stop doing that." Dilbert: "Okay brilliant suggestion."
Sunday October 07,
2007
Tags mandatory meeting, health and well being, theme of meeting, healthy employees are unprodcutive, exercsing, eating fruit, work hard and die, feel sick, right on schedule
Transcript
The Boss: Tomorrow is the mandatory meeting on employee health and well-being. "The meeting starts at 6 A.M. So it will interfere with your sleep and not your work." Dilbert: "Doesn't that send a message that work is more important than health?" The Boss: "I hope so. That's the theme of the meeting." "Healthy employees are unproductive." "They're always exercising or eating fruit when they should be working." "We prefer employees who work hard and die before their pensions start paying out." Dilbert: "Suddenly I feel sick." The Boss: "Right on schedule!"

