Service Business Comic Strips - Page 66
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1000 Results for Service Business
View 651 - 660 results for service business comic strips. Discover the best "Service Business" comics from Dilbert.com.
Tuesday March 26,
2019
Why Is Dilbert Arrogant
Tags business, intelligence, office, office workers, relationships, arrogance
Transcript
office worker: why are you so arrogant? dilbert: that's an illusion caused be a combination of your low intelligence and my track record of being right all the time. office worker: you're being arrogant again! dibert: or am I just right?
Monday March 25,
2019
Wally's Dna
Tags business, office, office workers, dishes, break room, dna, genealogy
Transcript
carol: did you leave unwashed dishes in the break room? wally: it wasn't me. carol:" i got a dna sample off a fork, ran it against public genealogy records and narrowed it down to your family. carol: how do you explain that? wally: sounds like i have a child i don't know about.
Sunday March 10,
2019
Tags business ethics, engineering, government, idea, managers & supervisors, math, ocean, research, sarcasm, science, temperature, tests
Transcript
Boss: We won a government contract to measure ocean temperatures. Dilbert: Which part of the ocean? Boss: The whole ocean. Dilbert: We can't put sensors everywhere in the ocean. It's too big. Boss: We can measure a bunch of places and estimate the rest. Dilbert: So...you want me to measure 1% of the ocean's temperature and estimate the other 99%? I don't know how to do that. Boss: Try using math. Dilbert: Wouldn't it be cheaper to measure nothing and just estimate the whole thing? Boss: Every now and then you come up with a great idea.
Saturday March 02,
2019
Have To Think About It
Tags business ethics, idea, managers & supervisors, office, office workers
Transcript
Dilbert: Do you like my idea? Boss: I need to think about it. Dilbert: You mean you plan to wait a few weeks and then act as if it was your idea? Boss: Now that idea I like right away.
Friday March 01,
2019
Being Like A Man
Tags advertising, business, criticism, men and women, relations between the sexes, sales
Transcript
Boss: Our new advertising campaign is "Don't be like men." The ad starts with a montage of bad male behavior, from mansplaining to genocide. Then we show our product. Alice: Did a woman come up with this campaign? Boss: Stop being like a man.
Friday February 22,
2019
Darkest Before The Dawn
Tags business, engineering, managers & supervisors, office, office workers
Transcript
Alice: Our product pipeline looks dismal. Boss: It's always darkest before the dawn. Alice: You're comparing product development to the solar system. I don't know what to do with that. Boss: What would Jesus do?
Wednesday February 20,
2019
Adjust The Data
Tags business ethics, engineering, managers & supervisors, office, research, tests, data
Transcript
Dilbert: The test data doesn't support our plan. Boss: We know our plan is brilliant, so just adjust the data to support it. Dilbert: You mean falsify the data. Boss: Let's not get hung up on the definition of things.
Thursday February 14,
2019
Small Managers
Tags boss, business, computer software, engineering, frustration, office workers, sarcasm, clients
Transcript
Boss: I told a customer we would make a small change to the software for them. Dilbert: There are no small software changes, only small managers. Boss: Dang it! Why does that sound so wise!
Wednesday February 13,
2019
Lower The Price
Tags boss, business, office, office workers, prices, negotiate
Transcript
Dilbert: My boss will yell at me if I don't negotiate a lower price. What can you do for me? Man: I lowered the price by ten percent before I showed it to you. Dilbert: I have no way of verifying your claim. Man: Neither does your boss. Problem solved.
Sunday February 03,
2019
Tags business, business ethics, construction, inventions, nature, technology, trees
Transcript
Dilbert: I invented a cost-effective product to harvest CO2 from the air and turn it into construction material. Asok: So...you invented a tree? Dilbert: What? Asok: Trees take CO2 from the air and turn it into wood. Your invention will compete with plants and trees for necessary CO2. It seems you have doomed all life on Earth. Dilbert: Not if people act rationally and stop removing the CO2 when...wait... You're right. I doomed the planet. Boss: I'll be dead by then, so ship it.


