Automated Phone System Comic Strips - Page 66

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

691 Results for Automated Phone System

View 651 - 660 results for automated phone system comic strips. Discover the best "Automated Phone System" comics from Dilbert.com.

Murder By Car

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Murder By Car   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #self-driving cars, #technology, #murder, #invention

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The pointy-haired boss is testing our self-driving car prototype. Hey, didn't you write the operating system for that prototype? Dilbert: Yes. Wally: Hypothetically, could you murder him from a distance? Dilbert: We shouldn't have this conversation. Narrator: Continued.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #training, #frustration, #wasting time

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: Thank you all for coming to this mandatory class on using the new system. The new system installation is behind schedule, so I'll train you using the old system. Dilbert: we know how to use the old system. Man: I'll point out how the new system is different as we go. Dilbert: Is the new system a lot like the old system? Man: No. Totally different. Dilbert: This is the worst idea I've ever heard. Man: Here are some handouts from the old system's operating guide. Dilbert: This is the Japanese language part of the manual. Man: Are you going to complain about everything?

Porch Thief Is Neutralized

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Porch Thief Is Neutralized  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #violence, #retaliation, #delivery, #package, #stealing, #theft, #ring, #technology

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Uh-oh. My home security system is showing a thief stealing a package from my front door. Activating particle beam defense. The threat has been neutralized. Dilbert: When you say "neutralized," does that mean... Alice: Activating crime scene cleanup drone.

Value Of An Employee's Life

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Value Of An Employee's Life - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #big business, #ethics, #morals, #morality, #death, #damage, #value, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: The proposed system would reduce accidental employee deaths by 20 percent. CEO: What is the ratio of the value of an employee's life compared to real people? Dilbert: I find your question disturbing. CEO: Just tell me the answer, halfling!

Tracking Employee Theft

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Tracking Employee Theft - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #surveillance, #data, #information, #spying, #privacy

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Someone stole my purse out of my cubicle. Catbert: No problem. We have security video nearly everywhere and we can track every phone that has our internal company app on it. Carol: That is mildly disturbing. Catbert: Here's a live feed of the perp in the third stall of the men's restroom.

Purchasing Did Not Order Part

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Purchasing Did Not Order Part - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #delays, #excuses, #laziness, #work ethic, #scapegoat, #deadline, #delay

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: The purchasing department rejected my request for a key system part because of a typo on their form. But they didn't tell me for three months, so now my product launch will be delayed by that much. Boss: But they finally ordered the part? Wally: I call that unknowable.

Dilbert And Monkeys

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert And Monkeys - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #motivation, #work ethic, #engagement, #monkeys

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: I don't feel my job is helping me reach my human potential. Boss: We only pay you because monkeys are hard to train and robots are expensive. Dilbert; Maybe I'll just play with my phone and pretend to work. Boss: That's what got the monkey fired.

Gravy On Keyboard

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Gravy On Keyboard - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Wally, #tina, #gravy, #keyboard, #coffee

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina: Do you know why my keyboard has gravy all over it? Dilbert: Oh, sorry, my phone rang while I was eating at my desk and I didn't have a napkin so I used your keyboard. Tina: I... Don't even know how to respond to that. Wally: Phew! That's what I was hoping.

Candor Monster

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Candor Monster - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #carol, #radical candor, #therapy, #criticism, #monster

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss: My new system of using "radical candor," is working out great. I've been criticizing people all morning and only three of them went into therapy over it. Now I turn my candor to you. Carol: Die, monster!

Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dogbert Throws Penalty Flag - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #alice, #the boss, #asok, #Wally, #Dilbert, #accomplish, #addicted, #apps, #fortnite, #slept, #losers, #podcast

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: I accomplished nothing this week because I'm addicted to apps on my phone. I haven't slept in three days because of my "Fortnite" habit. The Boss: What about the rest of you losers? Asok: Shhh. I got a one-ear podcast going here.