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Carol: that stupid coronavirus is no match for a healthy, young leader such as yourself. freedom demands that you go to crowded indoor places without wearing your mask. boss: are you trying to kill me? carol: i'd say there's reasonable doubt.
girl: my name is ... dilbert: stop right there. my augmented reality glasses are showing me your entire social media history. girl: i hope it makes a good first impression. dilbert yelling: my god, you are dumb!
wally at coffee pot talking to Dilbert:: social distancing has been a great upgrade to my life. in the old days, women avoided me by at least ten feet. now i often get within seven. i think it's because i'm better-looking with most of my face covered. especially if i wear a hat and sunglasses. and i learned that women will talk to me if i walk the wrong way down a grocery aisle. they're usually complaining but at least they make eye contact. it's sort of a golden age for people like me.
boss: i couldn't help noticing you are having a heated discussion. watch me use my conflict resolution skills to lower the temperature. okay, what were you idiots yammering about? tina: solid start.
co-worker: i don't like what you wrote about my project, so i took one of your quotes out of context, to make you look dumb, and sent it to your boss. dilbert: that won't work, because once i explain the proper context, he will see there is nothing to it. later that day. dilbert: ...so, as you can see, that quote was out of context. boss yelling: liar!!!
alice: i've noticed that none of my critics are intelligent. smart people always seem to agree with me. dilbert: what makes you think they are smart? alice: because they agree with me. i have to give you a maskless "duh" for that. alice pulls off face mask: duh!
tina: why did you tell our boss i have the wrong people on my project? dilbert: i didn't say that. in fact, i don't even know what you project is trying to accomplish, much less who is working with you on it. will we now proceed as if you didn't hear me say that? tina upset: they are not the wrong people.
dilbert: i'm getting addicted to hand sanitizer. it started with my hands, but over time, i extended it up to my forearms, then behind my ears, and it just kept going. dilbert: want a squirt? alice: i don't know where that thing has been.
co-worker: would you mind reviewing my 32-page slide deck and giving me your thoughts? dilbert: my thoughts are that only a sadist or an idiot would make a 32-page slide deck. co-worker: you'll never guess which one i am. dilbert: i feel as if i could.