Big Business Comic Strips - Page 67

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags evil director, human resources, evaluate job applicants, unqualified loser, nailing it, business

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Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert: "I like to use role play to evaluate job applicants." Pretend you're an unqualified loser. Wow. You're totally nailing it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags billions in bad loans, bug pay cut, regulatory oversight

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CEO: We've decided to write off 47 billion dollars in bad loans. You might think this is my fault, but in actuality it is all caused by poor regulatory oversight. Who is in favor of those guys taking a big pay cut? Anyone?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dead squirrel, insulting, knitting sweater, makeup, meeting, no potential benefit, time management, time management expert, woman as example, hideous outfit, business

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Dogbert the Time Management Expert Dogbert says, "Never put time into an activity that has no potential benefit." Dogbert says, "For example, why bother putting on makeup if you're going to wear that hideous outfit?" Dogbert says, "That's like knitting a sweater for a dead squirrel."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags masters degree, business, promoted to management, less useful, 3 years, night classes, rock

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Dilbert says, "I'm thinking about getting a master's degree in business so I can get promoted to management." Dogbert says, "How long does it take to learn how to be less useful?" Dilbert says, "Three years of night classes." Dogbert says, "Hold still and I'll save you three years."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hold hand, project, work independently, trap, failure or insubordination, hidden camera shows, joke on me

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The Boss says, "Asok, I won't have time to hold your hand on this project." The Boss says, "You need to work independently." The Boss says, "And by that I mean you should imagine what I would tell you to do, then do it." Asok says, "But... I can only imagine you telling me stupid things." Asok says, "Holy Shiva! This is a trap!" Asok says, "My choices are failure or insubordination." Asok says, "My only hope is that I'm in one of those hidden camera shows and this is all a big joke on me." Dilbert says, "Find anything?" Asok says, "Can't... stop... looking."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags jury selection, big eyebrows, dumb as you look, manipulate, love, relationships

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Jury selection Dogbert says, "You with the big eyebrows, are you as dumb as you look?" A man says, "I'm not sure. I don't remember what I look like." Dogbert says, "Okay, you're in. And on an unrelated noted, I'm the only person who ever loved you."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags health problems, absenteeism, raise, avoid exercise

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Wally says, "Health problems and absenteeism are a huge cost to this business." The Boss says, "So?" Wally says, "So give me a raise, or I'll eat unhealthy food and avoid all forms of exercise." The Boss says, "You already do those things." Wally says, "How could you possibly know that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags employee wellness programs, save money, hellness program, big picture

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Dogbert says, "Employee wellness programs save money in the long run, but that does you no good." Dogbert says, "You need a program that can save you money now, when it makes a difference." Dilbert says, "A hellness program? I don't like the sound of that." The Boss says, "Try to see the big picture for once."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags power point slide, white space, one page, one bullet point, long one, meeting, presentation, business

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Wally says, "As requested, I fit my presentation on one PowerPoint slide." Wally says, "I had to use all of the white space, but I think it was worth it to fit everything on one page." Wally says, "It's actually only one bullet point, but it's a long one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags elbonian spies, stole lap top, confidentail data, virus, destroy morale, hope, business plan

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Dilbert says, "Elbonian spies stole my laptop and all of our confidential data." Dilbert says, "But don't worry, because I placed a virus in there that will destroy their morale and their hope." Dilbert says, "I believe you call it your 'business plan.'"